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your role model you have ever seen

your role model you have ever seen RR7jp
A role model is a person who we look up to. He is someone who inspires us and impacts our life most profoundly. We usually expect that person to guide us in the right direction and prevent us from deviating from our paths. That person, in my life, is my father. From my childhood, I have always been looking up to my father as my role model. Firstly, during my time as an elementary student, our family was not much wealthy so my father applied for multiple jobs and work his best to support the whole family. Although multiple jobs made his daily schedule hectic, he would always spare his free time to eat dinner together and talk with me about his day at work and my day at school so as not to make me and my mother feel lonely. In addition, as a worker, he has always been regarded as responsible, committed towards the job, and supportive towards colleagues and juniors. Whenever his co-workers or subordinates encounter problems or make mistakes during the job, he would lend them a hand to overcome hardships together. As he believes that if he helps a person today, another person will help him back in the future. Finally, my father is a great teacher in terms of life experience. Because he understands that humans are imperfect creatures, only through experiences that humans can mature and develop themselves. Therefore, as a man with a wealth of life experience, he would always tell me about different stories of successes or failures of people in life so that I can broaden my perspectives, be more knowledgeable to live a more successful life in the future. My father aspired to me as a man who is responsible and supportive in his job while dedicating his utmost to his family by spending quality time together with meaningful conversations and activities. For the reasons above, I am proud to be the son of such a wonderful father and a student of a knowledgeable teacher.
A role model is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who we look up to. He is someone who inspires us and impacts our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
most
profoundly
. We
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to guide us in the right direction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
us from deviating from our paths. That
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, is my father.

From my childhood, I have always been looking up to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
as my role model.
Firstly
, during my time as an elementary student, our family was not much wealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
applied for multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and work his best to support the whole family. Although multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
made his daily schedule hectic, he would always spare his free time to eat dinner together and talk with me about his day at work and my day at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
as not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me and my mother feel lonely.
In addition
, as a worker, he has always
been regarded
as responsible, committed towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, and supportive towards colleagues and juniors. Whenever his co-workers or subordinates encounter problems or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, he would lend them a hand to overcome hardships together. As he believes that if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him back in the future.
Finally
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is a great teacher in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
he understands that humans are imperfect creatures,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through experiences that humans can mature and develop themselves.
Therefore
, as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
with a wealth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience, he would always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stories of successes or failures of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can broaden my perspectives, be more knowledgeable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a more successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
aspired to me as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who is responsible and supportive in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
while dedicating his utmost to his family by spending quality time together with meaningful conversations and activities. For the reasons above, I am proud to be the son of such a wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
and a student of a knowledgeable teacher.
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IELTS essay your role model you have ever seen

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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