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Your office building doesn’t have parking available. Write a letter to the manager. In your letter-Explain the problem-Suggest a solution-Say why parking will benefit all employees v.1

Your office building doesn’t have parking available. Write a letter to the manager. In your letter-Explain the problem-Suggest a solution-Say why parking will benefit all employees v. 1
Many celebrities have been able to earn their place thanks to their innate talents to which they are given when they were born. Nevertheless, a great number of people are showing their optimism in conducting early proper education for children to make them become expert in some particular fields. The relevance of these two points of view has always been a hot topic which will be discussed now. On the one hand, it is certainly true that many people are gifted. In other words, they have exceptional talents or natural abilities which cannot be acquired through everyday training or day-to-day teaching, no matter how good the teacher is and how frequently and seriously a person might practice. Moreover, they show specially keen interests of and extraordinary skills in some specific areas like sport or music, which sometimes explains that they are probably inherited via their genes. On the other hand, people do believe that with appropriate education, systematic training and proper guidance given by adults, any child can excel in any field. For example, many people who had been training so hard when they were youngsters and coached by professional predecessors and become recognized worldwide as highly-skilled sporting players or talented musician. Despite of manifold opinions about what is of paramount importance in deciding whether a person will be outstanding in any field, I strongly believe that both are indispensable and are not mutual exclusive. Assuming that a child is exceptionally good at playing piano, but without regular training and instructive advice, he will hardly develop his precious talent as it will deteriorate sharply over his living years. By contrast, some professionals do require some inborn skills to be better-performed. Even with continuous training, they will not be as productive and attractive as done by gifted people. So both factors play a crucial role in pushing people to stand up out of the crowd. In conclusion, gifted talents and sufficient practicing are both important. Missing one of the elements will not generate the best performance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
celebrities have been able to earn their place thanks to their innate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
to which they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
when they
were born
.
Nevertheless
, a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are showing their optimism in conducting early proper education for children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them become expert in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular fields. The relevance of these two points of view has always been a hot topic which will
be discussed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

On the one hand, it is
certainly
true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are gifted
.
In other words
, they have exceptional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
or natural abilities which cannot
be acquired
through everyday
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
or day-to-day teaching, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
the teacher is and how
frequently
and
seriously
a person might practice.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
specially
keen interests of and extraordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific areas like sport or music, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
that they are
probably
inherited via their genes.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do believe that with appropriate education, systematic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and proper guidance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by adults, any child can excel in any field.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who had been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
when they were youngsters and coached by professional predecessors and become recognized worldwide as
highly
-skilled sporting players or talented musician.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
manifold opinions about what is of paramount importance in deciding whether a person will be outstanding in any field, I
strongly
believe that both are indispensable and are not mutual exclusive. Assuming that a child is
exceptionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at playing piano,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
without regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
and instructive advice, he will hardly develop his precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
as it will deteriorate
sharply
over his living years. By contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals do require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inborn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to be better-performed. Even with continuous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, they will not be as productive and attractive as done by gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
both factors play a crucial role in pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to stand up out of the crowd.

In conclusion
, gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
and sufficient practicing are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Missing one of the elements will not generate the best performance.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your office building doesn’t have parking available. Write a letter to the manager. In your letter-Explain the problem-Suggest a solution-Say why parking will benefit all employees v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
335 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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