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Your local newspaper is asking for feedback on a plan to improve your suburb

Your local newspaper is asking for feedback on a plan to improve your suburb d5RX7
To The Editor James Moon Dear Mr. James, My name is Victor Norman. I am writing to tell you that I am supporting some parts of the plan proposed at the conference of the local council to improve the suburb. I am very interested in the process of modernization related to the recreational facilities and improvements related to parks and transport. The point of my interest and support in these three plans, is the ability to bring a new fresh look of the area around the city. My family members, relatives and I usually spend time in the mentioned areas included in the plan, so here I totally agree and support the idea of upgrading those places. Last week when I was doing some cardio exercises in the park, I noticed that were are some facilities such as steam baths that are defective and not working anymore, as they used to. Also, the parks fauna it is not so attractive as it used to be before, mainly because of the garbage accumulated in the last period after the events that were held in the park zones, so here I would like to take part in the cleaning process of the park as well. I would like to point out that I do not support the part three of the plan involving transport replacement. Instead of new electrical busses, our city is going to get some pre-owned busses. From technical issues related to engines they are making a high level of toxic elements in air, so I am showing my denial regarding this plan, mainly because of the environmental pollution. Thank you very much for the opportunity to express my vision and opinion related to the suburb improvement plan. I would be grateful if you could give me the chance for the future projects to express my feedback on them. Kind Regards, Victor Norman
To The Editor James Moon

Dear Mr. James,

My name is Victor Norman. I am writing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
you that I am supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
proposed at the conference of the local council to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the suburb. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in the process of modernization
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to the recreational facilities and improvements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and transport.

The point of my interest and support in these three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
, is the ability to bring a new fresh look of the area around the city. My family members, relatives and I
usually
spend time in the mentioned areas included in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
here I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of upgrading those places. Last week when I was doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cardio exercises in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, I noticed that were are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities such as steam baths that are defective and not working anymore, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to.
Also
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "parks'" or "park's"?
parks
fauna it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
attractive as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the garbage accumulated in the last period after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that
were held
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
zones,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
here I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the cleaning process of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
as well
.

I would like to point out that I do not support the part three of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
involving transport replacement.
Instead
of new electrical busses, our city is going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pre-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
busses. From technical issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to engines they are making a high level of toxic elements in air,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I am showing my denial regarding this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
,
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the environmental pollution.

Thank you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much for the opportunity to express my vision and opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
related
to the suburb improvement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
. I would be grateful if you could give me the chance for the future projects to express my feedback on them.

Kind Regards,

Victor Norman
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IELTS essay Your local newspaper is asking for feedback on a plan to improve your suburb

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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