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Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does. Ajr9L
Jobs have never appealed to me. Born in a common family, I always regard job as something that I have to do in order to make a living. The reason why people regard the job as the source of happiness is beyond me. From my perspective, job only serves as a tool for us to earn enough money to survive. It is tedious and exhausting. My arguments for this point are listed as follows. First of all, for most, especially the young men, jobs bring them a feeling of oppression. It seems to be a tendency that the air of the office is as cold as frost and that the performance indicators act as whips tha. . .
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Jobs
have never appealed to me. Born in a common family, I always regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as something that I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. The reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
regard the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as the source of happiness is beyond me. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serves as a tool for us to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money to survive. It is tedious and exhausting. My arguments for this point
are listed
as follows.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, for most,
especially
the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
bring them a feeling of oppression. It seems to be a tendency that the air of the office is as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
as frost and that the performance indicators act as whips
Possible spelling mistake found.
tha
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.

IELTS essay Your job has more effect on your happiness than your social life does.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
118 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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