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Telephone has greater effect on people’s lives than television has

Telephone has greater effect on people’s lives than television has aw7nw
To be honest, telephone should be regarded as one of the greatest innovation in the 20th century. Thanks to it, people in far distance are able to get in touch more easily. What’s more, it brings out a brand new style of selling, cold call. In my opinion, effects of telephone outweigh those of television. My arguments for this point are listed as follows. First of all, telephones bring people in far distance close. Even one is in the north hemisphere while the other in the south is fully capable to get in touch as soon as possible. Thus, it really makes a change to people’s lives. As you see, people in past have no telephone. When they have something urgent to inform the other, they have to ride horse, a common transportation which usually cost them a month to get destination. As you can imagine, when they got there, it was too late. Thus, in the age without telephone, the rate of information dissemination was so slow that much urgent business had been screwed up. Besides, without telephone, it’s hard for children living far away from home to communicate with their families. Therefore, people at that time often lived together. To some extent, the advent of television makes a change to the structure of the society. Secondly, telephones make cold calling possible. Cold calling refers to a way of selling products. Salesmen today no longer provide door to door service. To save time and energy, they are more willing to make phone calls to their potential customers. When it comes to the effect of cold calling, there is no denying the fact that it is perfect. According to the survey, nearly one third of the order today comes from the cold calling. As a result, cold calling becomes one of the smartest means of marketing. From this perspective, not only does telephone change people’s lives but also consumption pattern. In addition, sometimes telephones may sever as the last straw that save people’s lives. How many times have we heard that the old lady lost balance and fell to the ground? How many times have we heard that fashion lady grappled with the robber? How many times have we heard that the boat upset and spilled the boys into the water? Those are phenomena that we could see everywhere but few of bystanders are willing or capable to save them. Thus, taking step to save ourselves seems to be a must. Telephones then play a critical part. When such misfortune happened to us, the first thing to do is calming down and then phone 911 or other reliable person for help. Thanks to the lightning speed of telephones, most of people who turn to telephone when they are in danger could get the rescue without delay. Therefore, regard the means of rescue, telephones seems much more important than any other media nowadays. To draw a conclusion, taking communication, means of selling and self-rescue into consideration, telephone undoubtedly has much more effect on people’s lives than television has.
To be honest,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
should
be regarded
as one of the greatest innovation in the 20th century. Thanks to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in far distance are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch more
easily
. What’s more, it brings out a
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
style of selling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
call. In my opinion, effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
outweigh those of television. My arguments for this point
are listed
as follows.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in far distance close. Even one is in the north hemisphere while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in the south is
fully
capable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
Thus
, it
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. As you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in past have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
. When they have something urgent to inform the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
ride horse, a common transportation which
usually
cost them a month to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
destination. As you can imagine, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
there, it was too late.
Thus
, in the age without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
, the rate of information dissemination was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
slow that much urgent business had
been screwed
up.
Besides
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
, it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for children living far away from home to communicate with their families.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
together. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, the advent of television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to the structure of the society.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
calling possible.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cold
calling refers to a way of selling products. Salesmen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
no longer provide door to door service. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy, they are more willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
phone calls to their potential customers. When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the effect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
calling, there is no denying the fact that it is perfect. According to the survey,
nearly
one third of the order
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
calling.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cold
calling becomes one of the smartest means of marketing. From this perspective, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
consumption pattern.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
may sever as the last straw that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
have we heard that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
lady lost balance and fell to the ground? How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
have we heard that fashion lady grappled with the robber?
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
have we heard that the boat upset and spilled the boys into the water? Those are phenomena that we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everywhere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few of bystanders are willing or capable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
them.
Thus
, taking step to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
save
ourselves seems to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Telephones
then play a critical part. When such misfortune happened to us, the
first
thing to do is calming down and then phone 911 or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reliable person for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. Thanks to the lightning speed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who turn to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
when they are in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the rescue without delay.
Therefore
, regard the means of rescue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephones
seems much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
media nowadays.

To draw a conclusion, taking communication, means of selling and self-rescue into consideration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
telephone
undoubtedly
has much more effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
than television has.
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IELTS essay Telephone has greater effect on people’s lives than television has

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
507 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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