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For successful development of a country should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities

For successful development of a country should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities wBMNe
If the past has taught me anything, that must be the importance of the university. Therefore when it comes to whether a government should focus its budget on young children education or on university, I would choose university without hesitation and I would explore only two primary ones here. The main reason for my propensity is that university contributes to our better lives, especially the professors there. As you see, thanks to the discovery and research that conducted by those professors, many fatal diseases have been cured and unknown puzzles have been solved. For example, as is known to all, AIDS has been a vital disease that takes thousands people's lives away. Then professors teaching in biology come to work together and attempt to find the ways to control it. Professor Bush, teaching the revolution of Chimpanzees in HBS university, has been devoted himself to AIDS research program for decades. He finds that one reason the human body can't fight off an AIDS infection is because a single protein in the virus destroys human immune system. As long as this protein can be broken down, the rest will work itself out. As you can imagine, the discovery of Professor Bush makes a huge difference to the world, saving hundreds of thousand people’s lives. However, imagine, if those universities don't have enough funds to conduct the research, the problems would not have been solved so rapidly. Only when the government allocates adequate budgets to university, can our lives be greatly improved. There is another reason that deserves some words here. It is well recognized that due to the financial crisis and inflation, university students nowadays have to pay more for their tuitions than before. Therefore, a huge financial burden is sitting on every student's shoulder. However, if government could allocate more money to university, then university will be more generous with financial aid and scholarship so that students' burden could be released. Besides, with the increasing scholarship, students' potential will be motivated and stimulated. As a result, majority of the university students would study much harder to enhance their competitiveness in hope to win the scholarship as an extra source of income. In short, not only for the university students but also for the improvement of society, it is a must for government to focus its budget on university.
If the past has taught me anything, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the importance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to whether a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should focus its budget on young children education or on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, I would choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
without hesitation and I would explore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two primary ones here.

The main reason for my propensity is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
contributes to our better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
there. As you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, thanks to the discovery and research that conducted by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fatal diseases have
been cured
and unknown puzzles have
been solved
.
For example
, as
is known
to all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AIDS
has been a vital disease that takes thousands
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
away. Then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professors
teaching in biology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to work together and attempt to find the ways to control it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professor
Bush, teaching the revolution of Chimpanzees in HBS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, has
been devoted
himself to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AIDS
research program for decades. He finds that one reason the human body can't fight off an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
AIDS
infection is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a single protein in the virus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
human immune system. As long as this protein can
be broken
down, the rest will work itself out. As you can imagine, the discovery of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professor
Bush
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a huge difference to the world, saving
To describe a large number approximately, write "hundreds of thousands of".
hundreds of thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
However
, imagine, if those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
funds to conduct the research, the problems would not have
been solved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rapidly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
allocates adequate budgets to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, can our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
be
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

There is another reason that deserves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
words here. It is well recognized that due to the financial crisis and inflation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Therefore
, a huge financial burden is sitting on every student's shoulder.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could allocate more money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will be more generous with financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
and scholarship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that students' burden could
be released
.
Besides
, with the increasing scholarship, students' potential will
be motivated
and stimulated.
As a result
, majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students would study much harder to enhance their competitiveness in hope to win the scholarship as an extra source of income.

In short, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the improvement of society, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to focus its budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
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IELTS essay For successful development of a country should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
388 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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