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Your friend recently had a new baby born and you have bought him/her a present. Write a letter and say- What is the present? - Why did you choose it? - Arrange a visit to pass on the present and see the baby. v.1

Your friend recently had a new baby born and you have bought him/her a present. Write a letter and say- What is the present? - Why did you choose it? - Arrange a visit to pass on the present and see the baby. v. 1
There is no iota of doubt that, people today are very careful about their health and career, so their emphasis on sports and exercise. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to people of all ages. However, sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. In my opinion, it is a positive development in some extent, beyond this it can be negative. The following paragraphs would shed light on the pros and cons of this trend. To begin with the bright side, first, doing extra effort on sports and exercise we can produce more athletes. Therefore, these athletes can bring more pride for our nation. For example, a recent survey says that, in Australia players who put more emphasis on their own field bring gold medals at Olympic. In addition, due to sedentary jobs and lack of physical activities, people are suffering from obesity. Hence, with regular exercise and sports they can easily overcome this problem. Moreover, these activities can make people socialize more and friendlier. Therefore, people can make and meet more friends due to these activities. On the flip side of the coin, there are a handful of nasty consequences as well. Firstly, to give extra importance in sports and exercise will affect one's social, personal as well as corporate life. This means, a person can feel alone when he is away from their family. For instance, cricket player playing foreign tours has to stay months away from their home, this can feel them lonely and sometimes affect their performance. Furthermore, these activities require a plethora of physical strength to play effectively with other teams and everybody is not strong enough for those. This may further de-motivate individuals and they may decide not to take part in challenging competitions. In conclusion, I personally believe that the de-merit outweighs merits, however, efforts should be made to maximise the latter one.
There is no iota of doubt that,
people
today
are
very
careful about their health and career,
so
their emphasis on
sports
and
exercise
. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to
people
of all ages.
However
,
sometimes
a couple of problems
emerge
due to the same. In my opinion, it is a
positive
development in
some
extent, beyond this it can be
negative
. The following paragraphs would shed light on the pros and cons of this trend.

To
begin
with the bright side,
first
, doing extra effort on
sports
and
exercise
we can produce more athletes.
Therefore
, these athletes can bring more pride for our nation.
For example
, a recent survey says that, in Australia players who put more emphasis on their
own
field bring gold medals at Olympic.
In addition
, due to sedentary jobs and lack of physical activities,
people
are suffering from obesity.
Hence
, with regular
exercise
and
sports
they can
easily
overcome this problem.
Moreover
, these activities can
make
people
socialize more and friendlier.
Therefore
,
people
can
make
and
meet
more friends due to these activities.

On the flip side of the coin, there are a
handful
of nasty consequences
as well
.
Firstly
, to give extra importance in
sports
and
exercise
will affect one's social, personal
as well
as corporate life. This means, a person can feel alone when he is away from their family.
For instance
, cricket player playing foreign tours
has to
stay months away from their home, this can feel them lonely and
sometimes
affect their performance.
Furthermore
, these activities require a plethora of physical strength to play
effectively
with other teams and everybody is not strong
enough
for those. This may
further
de-motivate
individuals and
they may decide not to
take part
in challenging competitions.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe that the
de-merit
outweighs merits,
however
, efforts should
be made
to
maximise
the latter one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Your friend recently had a new baby born and you have bought him/her a present. Write a letter and say- What is the present? - Why did you choose it? - Arrange a visit to pass on the present and see the baby. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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