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youngsters should give attention to more on extra activities such as music and theater rather than on sports

youngsters should give attention to more on extra activities such as music and theater rather than on sports ndqKP
It is often said that youngsters should give attention to more on extra activities such as music and theater rather than on sports. I partially agree with statement. First, I agree that young people today engage in cultural activities that can help improve and enhance their mental health. Participating in these activities helps them clear their mind and relax their mind. For example, when you watch a performance, you tend to focus on it and forget all the stress that is happening to you. Friend. This makes you better. however, besides that, cultural activities can't make you better and grow physically, but sports activities can. It is encouraged that young people should play sports to strengthen their physical fitness. This also helps them have enough physical strength to study and work. For example, if you regularly play football, your body will be stronger and more durable than watching programs and cultural activities all day. so all these activities are important, we need to balance by both, this makes us better
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that youngsters should give attention to more on extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as music and theater
rather
than on sports. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with statement.
First
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
engage in cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and enhance their mental health. Participating in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
their mind and relax their mind.
For example
, when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a performance, you tend to focus on it and forget all the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
that is
happening to you. Friend. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you better.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
besides
that, cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you better and grow
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can. It
is encouraged
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should play sports to strengthen their physical fitness. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
physical strength to study and work.
For example
, if you
regularly
play football, your body will be stronger and more durable than watching programs and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
all day.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, we need to balance by both, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
better
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IELTS essay youngsters should give attention to more on extra activities such as music and theater rather than on sports

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
169 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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