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young students are encouraged to take a break between end of high school and start of university studies

young students are encouraged to take a break between end of high school and start of university studies jV6yp
As young students are under pressure of success in their career, the argument describes that in some countries the students are supported to travel or work between joining university for higher studies after completing high school. In my view, This trend has its advantage and disadvantage which make it difficult to reach an incisive decision. Starting with its advantage first, Travelling or working makes us understand more about the economy and world, and generally, these are the places where one find its true self and career to accomplish. For example, when a person works or travel, he or she comes under eclectic situations which provides enough knowledge about one's identity and marks ones standing to find interest in a field to pursue. Therefore, from this deduction, we can espouse that in some ways working or travelling helps to understand about which career path is to be taken, which I have found advantageous. Secondly, this trend can also make a person more absorbent for future studies by refreshing the mind. As we know an empty mind can support gaining knowledge in a better way than a preoccupied mind. Therefore, we can understand that the trend will help in the learning process which is helpful for university studies. On the opposite end, travelling and working may not be prolific in some cases. When a person is encouraged for a thing, a long gap or avoidance of it can make the person lose interest in that thing. For instance, if we stop a mouse running on a treadmill (considering circular), it becomes difficult for the mouse to regain its initial speed Because when the mouse was running initially, he was using momentum as a helper to run at that speed. A similar analogy can be applied for the interest of a person, which when prolonged will reduce the zeal and make it difficult to do the same task with the same interest as before, and this may affect productivity. Overall, the advantages of working or travelling between the end of high school and the start of university are that it will help to choose a career better and help to make the mind more absorbent. Similarly, the disadvantage of this trend is it may make certain people lose interest and zeal about their decision for the future.
As young students are under pressure of success in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, the argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries the students
are supported
to travel or work between joining university for higher studies after completing high school. In my view, This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
has its advantage and disadvantage which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it difficult to reach an incisive decision.

Starting with its advantage
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Travelling
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
us understand more about the economy and world, and
generally
, these are the places where one find its true self and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to accomplish.
For example
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
works or travel, he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
under eclectic situations which provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
knowledge about one's identity and marks
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
standing to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in a field to pursue.
Therefore
, from this deduction, we can espouse that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to understand about which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path is to
be taken
, which I have found advantageous.

Secondly
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
can
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
more absorbent for future studies by refreshing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know an empty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
can support gaining knowledge in a better way than a preoccupied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
.
Therefore
, we can understand that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the learning process which is helpful for university studies.

On the opposite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
may not be prolific in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is encouraged
for a thing, a long gap or avoidance of it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
in that thing.
For instance
, if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
a mouse running on a treadmill (considering circular), it becomes difficult for the mouse to regain its initial speed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when the mouse was running
initially
, he was using momentum as a helper to run at that speed. A similar analogy can
be applied
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, which when prolonged will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the zeal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it difficult to do the same task with the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and this may affect productivity.

Overall
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
between the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of high school and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of university are that it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
better and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mind
more absorbent.
Similarly
, the disadvantage of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
is it may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
and zeal about their decision for the future.
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IELTS essay young students are encouraged to take a break between end of high school and start of university studies

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
384 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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