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Some people think that hosting international sports events may be beneficial for a country. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that hosting international sports events may be beneficial for a country. pKxWy
These days, due to economic development, humankind tend to care about the mental health. Spending a number of time to watching event such as Olympic, World Cup helps them unwind. A school of thought hold that a nation should host international sports events owing to their merits. Personally, i completely concur with this notion, and I will justify my support in the upcoming paragraph. To commence with, there are numerous rationales for this view. Primarilly, hosting a engaged events cans attract a plethora of fan. This can lead them to know, explore about the culture’s nation, especially developing countries. It is a opportunity to diffuse the nation for a wide range of citizens. Moreover, growing economy is also a benefit this brings. Thanks to be a host, various enterprises contact for the nation to advertise for their product. The country will bring in a great source of profit. Therefore, these reasons would clearly go a long way towards the reason why some endorse this notion. On the other hand, besides strong points, few shortcomings are witnessed in this view. It is undoubtable that it finds costly to host a international events. For instances, a nation ought to spend budget inviting experts, decorating places, and so forth. Furthermore, this is in the light of the fact that multiple states have hosted before, this creates pressure for states to greater complete. As a result, it is challenge with undeveloped countries. In conclude, this phenomenon is the same as a double-edges sword. The governments should consider their needs, budgets to make a right decision.
These days, due to economic development, humankind tend to care about the mental health. Spending a number of time to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
such as Olympic, World Cup
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them unwind. A school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
hold that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should host international sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
owing to their merits.
Personally
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
completely concur with this notion, and I will justify my support in the upcoming paragraph.

To commence with, there are numerous rationales for this view.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Primarilly
, hosting
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
engaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
cans attract a plethora of fan. This can lead them to know, explore about the culture’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
,
especially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
. It is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
opportunity to diffuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
for a wide range of citizens.
Moreover
, growing economy is
also
a benefit this brings. Thanks to be a host, various enterprises contact for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
to advertise for their product. The country will bring in a great source of profit.
Therefore
, these reasons would
clearly
go a long way towards the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
endorse this notion.

On the other hand
,
besides
strong points, few shortcomings
are witnessed
in this view. It is
Possible spelling mistake found.
undoubtable
that it finds costly to host
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
international
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "event"?
events
. For instances, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
ought to spend budget inviting experts, decorating places, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth.
Furthermore
, this is in the light of the fact that multiple states have hosted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, this creates pressure for states to greater complete.
As a result
, it is challenge with undeveloped countries.

In conclude, this phenomenon is the same as a double-edges sword. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should consider their needs, budgets to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right decision.
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IELTS essay Some people think that hosting international sports events may be beneficial for a country.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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