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Young spend their free time in shopping malls..this has negative effects on young and people and society

Young spend their free time in shopping malls. . this has negative effects on young and people and society OMn73
Have you ever thought about spending free time has negative aspects on teenagers and the community? The young people are increasingly expanding their free time at the shopping mall. this essay will argue why it is unnecessary for people to go to a shopping mall in their leisure time and how this is a negative impact. To begin, teenagers are keen on spending their time with their close friends in shopping malls. when they gather with friends which is cause to spend a lot of money from their pocket because many shops in the Mall are usually used eye-catching pictures to attract consumers, which pursued the youngster to buy unnecessary stuff. for example, girls will probably buy expensive clothes usually to show off in front of their friends or a young boy will get brandish shoes to display his wealth. teenagers can use this money in a better way, like, buy some useful book or save their money in the bank for future goals. Moreover, the other Downside is eating unhealthy foods. when youth are passing a lot of time in the store feel hungry after a while order food from the restaurants of that mall. If this process becomes a daily habit, it endangers their health. However, spending spare time in the complex definitely will affect family relationships. Besides big malls are considered to be the best place with multi-facility for example game zones, cinemas, and food courts. if teenagers prefer passing their time, which is not obligated them to do any important task, on such activities it would limit their quality of time and it will seriously weaken their family relationships and lowering the value of the family. To conclude, utilizing more time in this multi-facility center has negative impacts on both the young and the society. They are put their health in danger with eating king food from the restaurant and they will take distance from their family, which is an important part of society.
Have you ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about spending free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
has
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negative
aspects on
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teenagers
and the community? The young
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people
are
increasingly
expanding their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at the shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will argue why it is unnecessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to go to a shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in their leisure
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time
and how this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are keen on spending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their close friends in shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
they gather with friends which is cause to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from their pocket
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shops in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mall
are
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
eye-catching pictures to attract consumers, which pursued the youngster to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
unnecessary stuff.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, girls will
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive clothes
usually
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off in front of their friends or a young boy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
brandish shoes to display his wealth.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this money in a better way, like,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful book or save their money in the bank for future goals.

Moreover
, the other Downside is eating unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
when
youth are passing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the store feel hungry after a while order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the restaurants of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
. If this process becomes a daily habit, it endangers their health.

However
, spending spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the complex definitely will affect family relationships.
Besides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
are considered
to be the best place with multi-facility
for example
game zones, cinemas, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
courts.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
prefer passing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which is not obligated them to do any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
task, on such activities it would limit their quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and it will
seriously
weaken their family relationships and lowering the value of the family.

To conclude
, utilizing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in this multi-facility center has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on both the young and the society. They
are put
their health in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
with eating king
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
restaurant and
they will take distance from their family, which is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of society.
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IELTS essay Young spend their free time in shopping malls. . this has negative effects on young and people and society

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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