Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Young people’s activities

Young people’s activities gWd3g
Young people today are often reprimanded by their parents for living a passive lifestyle. In my country, for example, young children in particular are criticized for spending too long interacting with technology rather than being outside playing sports, climbing trees and doing all the other activities their parents claim they enjoyed as children. To what extent are these comments deserved? On the surface, they would appear justified. There is a whole industry that encourages children to lead a sedentary lifestyle, for example sitting in front of a PC or games console. Dedicated satellite or cable TV channels for young people offer the chance to sit idly watching one programme after the next, often repeats of something that was on the day or week before. However, it can also be argued that young people are adapting to the society they live in, a completely different place to the world their parents grew up in. Firstly, the roads today are far busier than they were in the past, which makes it very difficult for children to play outside. Secondly, children are often restricted from being outside by parents who have become overly concerned about dangers they imagine exist outside their four walls. Finally, it has to be said that many parents use the technology they complain about as a way of keeping young children occupied. I think children today are less active and that it is something we should be concerned about. However, it is wrong to put the blame on technology. Children should be encouraged more to take up sports at school and parents should be more willing to support their children in exploring the outside world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
reprimanded by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for living a passive lifestyle. In my country,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in particular
are criticized
for spending too long interacting with technology
rather
than being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
playing sports, climbing trees and doing all the other activities their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
claim they enjoyed as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To what extent are these comments deserved?

On the surface, they would appear justified. There is a whole industry that encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to lead a sedentary lifestyle,
for example
sitting in front of a PC or games console. Dedicated satellite or cable TV channels for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
offer the chance to sit
idly
watching one
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
after the
next
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
repeats of something that was on the day or week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

However
, it can
also
be argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are adapting to the society they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place to the world their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
grew up in.
Firstly
, the roads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are far busier than they were in the past, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
restricted from being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who have become
overly
concerned about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
they imagine exist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their four walls.
Finally
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be said
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the technology they complain about as a way of keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
occupied.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are less active and that it is something we should
be concerned
about.
However
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to put the blame on technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be encouraged
more to take up sports at school and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be more willing to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in exploring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
world.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Young people’s activities

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts