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Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Now, there is much debate over whether to give young people the same punishment as adult criminals if they both commit severe crimes like robbery or violent assaults. I would give a negative answer. Those advocates might argue that the impartial practice, by demonstrating the principle of equity and justice of law, could console the victims and their families. In addition, such an approach also functions as a deterrent to more potential crimes by underage youths, as they will fear the high price of breaking the law. However, the seemingly fair practice can be too reckless. To start with, it is their custodians who should take joint responsibility rather than the young offenders alone, for they are generally not mature enough, lacking the awareness of law and consideration of the consequences of what they do. For instance, when a teenager seriously hits a man or even takes his life in DUI, his parents should be blamed more for allowing him to drive and the pub or the store should also be penalized for illegally selling alcohol to youngsters. Moreover, adolescents deserve a second chance and should not be cruelly deprived of their future. Their flower-like life has just begun and they still have a long way to go, with so much beauty to quest in the future, while the adult criminals should be fully responsible for their sins, for in most cases, their crimes are intentional. Teenagers are the future of a nation. When they fall into the evil trap, what we should do is not penalize them coldly. Instead, humane guidance and reeducation is a better way.
Now
, there is much debate over whether to give young
people
the same punishment as adult criminals if they both commit severe crimes like robbery or violent assaults. I would give a
negative
answer. Those advocates might argue that the impartial practice, by demonstrating the principle of equity and justice of law, could console the victims and their families.
In addition
, such an approach
also
functions as a deterrent to more potential crimes by underage youths, as they will fear the high price of breaking the law.
However
, the
seemingly
fair
practice can be too reckless. To
start
with, it is their custodians who should take joint responsibility
rather
than the young offenders alone, for they are
generally
not mature
enough
, lacking the awareness of law and consideration of the consequences of what they do.
For instance
, when a
teenager
seriously
hits a
man
or even takes his life in DUI, his parents should
be blamed
more for allowing him to drive and the pub or the store should
also
be penalized
for
illegally
selling alcohol to youngsters.
Moreover
, adolescents deserve a second chance and should not be
cruelly
deprived of their future. Their flower-like life has
just
begun and they
still
have a long way to go, with
so
much beauty to quest in the future, while the adult criminals should be
fully
responsible for their sins, for
in most cases
, their crimes are intentional.
Teenagers
are the future of a nation. When they fall into the evil trap, what we should do is not penalize them
coldly
.
Instead
, humane guidance and reeducation is a better way.
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IELTS essay Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. To extent do you agree of disagree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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