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Young people spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing , tech.) What is the reason ? Is it a positive or negative development?

Young people spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, tech. ) What is the reason? Is it a positive or negative development? 9L6oX
My father finishes his shopping in almost half an hour. Nowadays, middle-aged people have spent most of their precious time and money on the latest fashion trends. This essay, will discuss the cause behind this change and explain whether, it is a positive or negative development. In past days, you find hardly 2 or 3 shops in a town for shopping, However, present days you could see at least one or 2 shops per street. The major expansion of the fashion business caused to attract more people towards the trend, Developing technology also helped these people to sell their products online. The younger generation is the primary target for the business people, whom they work on the fashion side, because, the past community already habituated to old fashion might they don't show interest in buying new fashion things, and younger people has much knowledge on buying online products rather than old people. Overall, this has created more fascination in the younger generation towards the trend. These days, so many private banks are offering EMI's (Easy Monthly Installment) on a small scale of interest to young people, this would repulse people towards taking it, then they are spending most of it over buying clothing and technological products etc. When they have chosen this plan it looks like a simple one, but, eventually, it would be a burden to the average income persons pay month by month. However, the increase in business created so many opportunities for the younger people as they know well about their mindset itself. In conclusion, people should keep a certain limit to buy clothes, gaming products rather than buying each product which they see.
My father finishes his shopping in almost half an hour. Nowadays, middle-aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have spent most of their precious time and money on the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
trends. This essay, will discuss the cause behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
whether, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

In past days, you
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'find'.
find hardly
2 or 3 shops in a town for shopping,
However
, present days you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
at least one or 2 shops per street. The major expansion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
business caused to attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards the trend, Developing technology
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sell their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
online. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation is the primary target for the business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whom they work on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the past community already habituated to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
might they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
things, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
much knowledge on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Overall
, this has created more fascination in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation towards the trend.

These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private banks are offering EMI's (Easy Monthly Installment) on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale of interest to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, this would repulse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards taking it, then they are spending most of it over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
clothing and technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
etc. When they have chosen this plan it looks like a simple one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
eventually
, it would be a burden to the average income persons pay month by month.
However
, the increase in business created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as they know well about their mindset itself.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a certain limit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
clothes, gaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
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IELTS essay Young people spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, tech. ) What is the reason? Is it a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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