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POPULAR EVENTS LIKE THE FOOTBALL WORLD CUP ARE HELPFUL TO EASE INTERNATIONAL TENSIONS AND RELEASE PATRIOTIC EMOTIONS IN A SAFE WAY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

POPULAR EVENTS LIKE THE FOOTBALL WORLD CUP ARE HELPFUL TO EASE INTERNATIONAL TENSIONS AND RELEASE PATRIOTIC EMOTIONS IN A SAFE WAY. DlYxE
International sporting events like the Football World Cup or Olympic Games are always a source of attraction for everyone and, usually a large number of people liked these situations to express their love and support for their country. In addition, some people argue that it is also a possibility for exhausting tensions between rival countries. On the other hand, others state that these types of ceremonies could increase tensions and hate between countries. I personally agree with those advocates that believe in the good values of sports and particularly the positive emotions that these events should transmit. First of all, international games usually give prestigious to nations that accommodate and organize these occurrences because they are always seen all over the world. For this reason, if the whole people of the world look at the games, as a result, the crimes are reduced dramatically in many regions. Thus, it is possible to recognize that these multinational events could reduce pressure and ease patriotism in a safe way. Secondly, another benefit is represented by presidents of countries that often go to a place that host the event to assist and watch the sporting results of their “hometown athletes”. This could become an opportunity for nations authority to discuss any issues between the foe states. In conclusion, I understand that both sides of view have some logical resources. However, in my opinion, the absolute advantages of international gaming occasions that I described in my essay could only fortify my argument.
International sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
like the Football World Cup or Olympic Games are always a source of attraction for everyone and,
usually
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
liked these situations to express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and support for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that it is
also
a possibility for exhausting tensions between rival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
On the other hand
, others state that these types of ceremonies could increase tensions and hate between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those advocates that believe in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
values of sports and
particularly
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotions that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
should transmit.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, international games
usually
give prestigious to nations that accommodate and organize these occurrences
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
all over the world.
For this reason
, if the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the world look at the games,
as a result
, the crimes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
dramatically
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions.
Thus
, it is possible to recognize that these multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressure and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
patriotism
Consider replacing "in a safe way" with the adverb for "safe"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a safe way
.

Secondly
, another benefit
is represented
by presidents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to a place that host the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
to assist and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the sporting results of their “hometown athletes”. This could become an opportunity for nations authority to discuss any issues between the foe states.

In conclusion
, I understand that both sides of view have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
logical resources.
However
, in my opinion, the absolute advantages of international gaming occasions that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in my essay could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fortify my argument.
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IELTS essay POPULAR EVENTS LIKE THE FOOTBALL WORLD CUP ARE HELPFUL TO EASE INTERNATIONAL TENSIONS AND RELEASE PATRIOTIC EMOTIONS IN A SAFE WAY.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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