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Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. v.2

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. v. 2
Some people think that youths should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and their participation in sports should be reduced. This essay will describe the importance of sports that must be taken into account for the youngster and disagrees with the view. Sports help young people to be fit both physically and psychologically. Exercise is an inevitable part of our lives and the sport is a better method of exercise than any other activity. For having a healthy society, we have to encourage young people to play outdoor games even more than they do these days. A young generation who actively participates in spots have fewer diseases and cut the government's healthcare budget. For instance, nations with healthy citizens are more successful in developing their economy, according to a report published by the Global Healthcare Research Centre. So, encouraging young people to spend more time on sports will help us build a better world. The next importance for youth to play sports is to learn teamwork. What is the better place for adolescents to learn to coordinate with other teammates than in a sports field? As a team member, a child learns to interact with others and work for a common goal. This experience will help them to reach their aim in life. Finally, it opens the potential of becoming a successful sportsman. The youngster who is playing football today could be the next Christiano Ronaldo or David Beckham. In conclusion, despite the importance of cultural activities, such as music and theatres, playing sport have an undeniable contribution for adolescents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that youths should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
and their participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account for the youngster and disagrees with the view.

Sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
be fit
both
physically
and
psychologically
. Exercise is an inevitable part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a better method of exercise than any other activity. For having a healthy society, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to play outdoor games even more than they do these days. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation who
actively
participates in spots have fewer diseases and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's healthcare budget.
For instance
, nations with healthy citizens are more successful in developing their economy, according to a report published by the Global Healthcare Research
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend more time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us build a better world.

The
next
importance for youth to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is to learn teamwork. What is the better place for adolescents to learn to coordinate with other teammates than in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
field? As a team member, a child learns to interact with others and work for a common goal. This experience will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to reach their aim in life.
Finally
, it opens the potential of becoming a successful sportsman. The youngster who is playing football
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
could be the
next
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo or David Beckham.

In conclusion
, despite the importance of cultural activities, such as music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
have an undeniable contribution for adolescents.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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