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Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. v.1

Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. v. 1
How the youths should spend their time is a great concern for many. Some are more involved in cultural activities than sports, while others prefer sports over the cultural activities. No doubt cultural activities are important, but in my opinion, sports are more important and that is why I partially disagree with this statement. Undoubtedly there are necessities of cultural activities to get entertained or learn different cultural aspects. It improves mental faculty and refreshes the mind. It also helps to nurture the culture and learn the customs. Besides, performing in theatres or enjoying them develops a deeper sense of the world and life. But at the same time if we ignore the necessity of physical activities, for sure we are to experience a massive health disaster in near future. Not to mention, the youths need to have some physical activities to keep a good health. Health is wealth. So, unless they are healthy enough, they would be unable to enjoy other activities. For instance, sports help to keep people fit. Participation in sports makes them healthy in terms of physical aspects. Consequently, when they would be healthy, they could participate in many other activities spontaneously. But the lack of physical activity or lack of participation in sports may bring health disorders among them. Having said that, we all know that the majority of the diseases today appear due to our less involvement in outdoor activity and sedentary lifestyle. The more people are inactive, the more they are prone to diseases like heart disorders, diabetes, obesity, mental depression, frustration etc. Usually, doctors suggest to take regular physical exercise to improve the physical fitness and it helps to keep them cheerful. All things considered, the youths should participate in sports in line with the participation in cultural activities. I am sure that nobody will prefer to listen to music or enjoy theatrical performances with a massive disorder in their heart which has been developed for physical inactivity. I believe it is imperative to the youths to allocate their time primarily to sports and then for the cultural activities.
How the youths should spend their time is a great concern for
many
.
Some
are more involved in
cultural
activities
than
sports
, while others prefer
sports
over the
cultural
activities
. No doubt
cultural
activities
are
important
,
but
in my opinion,
sports
are more
important
and
that is
why I
partially
disagree with this statement.

Undoubtedly
there are necessities of
cultural
activities
to
get
entertained or learn
different
cultural
aspects. It
improves
mental faculty and refreshes the mind. It
also
helps
to nurture the culture and learn the customs.
Besides
, performing in
theatres
or enjoying them develops a deeper sense of the world and life.
But
at the same time if we
ignore
the necessity of
physical
activities
, for sure we are to experience a massive
health
disaster in near future.

Not to mention, the youths need to have
some
physical
activities
to
keep
a
good
health
.
Health
is wealth.
So
, unless they are healthy
enough
, they would be unable to enjoy other
activities
.
For instance
,
sports
help
to
keep
people
fit. Participation in
sports
makes
them healthy in terms of
physical
aspects.
Consequently
, when they would be healthy, they could participate in
many
other
activities
spontaneously
.
But
the lack of
physical
activity
or lack of participation in
sports
may bring
health
disorders among them.

Having said that, we all know that the majority of the diseases
today
appear due to our less involvement in outdoor
activity
and sedentary lifestyle. The more
people
are inactive, the more they are prone to diseases like heart disorders, diabetes, obesity, mental depression, frustration etc.
Usually
, doctors
suggest to take
regular
physical
exercise to
improve
the
physical
fitness and it
helps
to
keep
them cheerful.

All things considered, the youths should participate in
sports
in line with the participation in
cultural
activities
. I am sure that nobody will prefer to listen to music or enjoy theatrical performances with a massive disorder in their heart which has
been developed
for
physical
inactivity. I believe it is imperative to the youths to allocate their time
primarily
to
sports
and then for the
cultural
activities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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