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Young people less interested in healty

Young people less interested in healty pexYL
Although health and fitness is extremely vital for our health. But I don't think young people are very interested in their health. Because of the fast food they eat, high technology products around them, and even bad habits they cultivate in their daily life. Although there are lots of healthy food to choose from, young people still would like to eat fast food, because they are not only fast but tasty and easy to get. Such as, KFC or Pizza Hut, which young peopleloveso much. What's more, some high-tech products also attracted them so much. Cellphone and tablets are good examples, the student can do a lot of things for entertainments on it, if they can not control themselves do things like watching videos and playing video games, there will hurt their eyes, and even influence their study and work. The food they choose is not healthy, either. Most of the food markets have vegetables, meat, and some healthy food. But the young people even don’t pay any attention to that. The fast food and junk food they eat are unhealthy. Most of that has a lot of oil and salt in it. I think the young people who doesn't do any exercise? They just stay at home the whole day and even don't want to move. That makes them lazy. Sometimes when they ought to go somewhere, even though it's near their house, they won't walk there. All in all, it is very important for young people to stop eating junk food, playing with their friends outside instead of playing on their phones all the time, do more exercise and have a healthy happy life.
Although health and fitness is
extremely
vital for our health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
interested in their health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they eat, high technology products around them, and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits they cultivate in their daily life.

Although there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to choose from,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
would like to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
tasty and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. Such as, KFC or Pizza Hut, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
Possible spelling mistake found.
peopleloveso
much.

What's more,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high-tech products
also
attracted them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. Cellphone and tablets are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
examples, the student can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things for entertainments on it, if they can not control themselves do things like watching videos and playing video games, there will hurt their eyes, and even influence their study and work. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they choose is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
, either. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
markets have vegetables, meat, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even don’t pay any attention to that. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they eat are unhealthy. Most of that has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
oil and salt in it.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'people' should be used.
doesn
't do any exercise? They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
stay at home the whole day and even don't want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lazy.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
when they ought to go somewhere,
even though
it's near their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, they won't walk there. All in all, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
eating junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, playing with their friends outside
instead
of playing on their phones all the time, do more exercise and have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
happy life.
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IELTS essay Young people less interested in healty

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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