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Nowadays communication technologies have developed. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Nowadays communication technologies have developed. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? R0KPP
Since the communication technology and transportation have developed recently, majority of people have opportunity to work and live anywhere in the world for the time being. This essay will argue why this tendency is entirely positive despite some unfavourable aspects. On the one hand, development of communication technology and types of transports offer variety of bad aspects. The main downside of this development is that they are detrimental for humans health. Individuals are used to living in sedentary lifestyle. This can be exemplified by the fact that the number of people who are suffering from obesity are incredibly raising. Another negative point of this issue is that it leads to both air and land pollution. In urban areas the quality of air are becoming poor due to plethora of vehicles. For instance in our country, especially in the cities, the quantity of fresh air are declining than in the past. On the other hand, there is several upsides of technology and transportation development. First of all, it gives us a chance to communicate instantly with other people who live abroad. In other words, we can share our photos and videos to our remote friends in a matter of seconds by pressing a button. Secondly, people can educate online by the means of developed technologies. In fact, we may learn and search everything on the internet sitting at home. It, consequently, helps us to save our time as well as money. Taking everything into account, I would state that developing communication technologies and transports have certain disadvantages including obesity and pollution. However, advantages such as instant communication and distant learning definetely outweigh all undesirably factors.
Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and transportation have developed recently,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have opportunity to work and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
anywhere in the world for the time being. This essay will argue why this tendency is
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
aspects.

On the one hand, development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and types of transports offer variety of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
aspects. The main downside of this development is that they are detrimental for humans health. Individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to living in sedentary lifestyle. This can
be exemplified
by the fact that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are suffering from obesity are
incredibly
raising. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
point of this issue is that it leads to both air and land pollution. In urban areas the quality of air are becoming poor due to plethora of vehicles.
For instance
in our country,
especially
in the cities, the quantity of fresh air are declining than in the past.

On the other hand
, there is several upsides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and transportation development.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it gives us a chance to communicate
instantly
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
abroad.
In other words
, we can share our photos and videos to our remote friends in a matter of seconds by pressing a button.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can educate online by the means of developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
. In fact, we may learn and search everything on the internet sitting at home. It,
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to save our time
as well
as money.

Taking everything into account, I would state that developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and transports have certain disadvantages including obesity and pollution.
However
, advantages such as instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
and distant learning
Possible spelling mistake found.
definetely
outweigh all
undesirably
factors.
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IELTS essay Nowadays communication technologies have developed. Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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