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Essay ``Global Obesity``.

Essay ``Global Obesity``. 70YMb
It is clear that junk food is tasty and no one will deny it. But over the last few years, scientists have noticed the progress of peoples` obesity, which was revealed by the frequent eating of fast food, like hamburgers, pizza, fried potato and so on. . The problem of global obesity is getting worse and worse and now it`s important to take steps to deal this problem. So this essay will look the main causes of the problem and I`ll try to propose some solutions. However, the Cause of Global Obesity is not only Fast food, but also ordinary fruits and vegetables. Now, products and goods which we buy in Greengrocers are full of chemicals for their being fresh for a long time. And these chemicals can also cause extra calories. So, unless people eat junk food, they will become fat and huge, and this can lead to a bad consequences. The second reason of obesity can be peoples' laziness. Usually, after eating, people should do some easy physical activities, like going for a walk or some easy exercises, but in most cases, peoples' laziness doesn't let them do some activities. people should force themselves to do some physical activities after eating, otherwise, their laziness will make them fatter in their weight. To sum up, no one can deny that Global Obesity is a serious issue that should be solved. But the solution of this problem is only in the hands of the people. And in my view, If someone do wants to win their obesity, He or She will win it and it doesn`t matter, how to fight with this, at home with the help of internet-instructions or in Sport-clubs.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is tasty and no one will deny it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
over the last few years, scientists have noticed the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples`
obesity, which
was revealed
by the frequent eating of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, like hamburgers, pizza, fried potato and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of global obesity is getting worse and worse and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "it's" or "it’s".
it`s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to take steps to deal this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this essay will look the main causes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "I'll" or "I’ll".
I`ll
try to propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

However
, the Cause of Global Obesity is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
ordinary fruits and vegetables.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
in Greengrocers are full of chemicals for their being fresh for a long time. And these chemicals can
also
cause extra calories.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, they will become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and huge, and this can lead to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
.

The second reason of obesity can be peoples' laziness.
Usually
, after eating,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
easy physical activities, like going for a walk or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
easy exercises,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in most cases
, peoples' laziness doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
should force themselves to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical activities after eating,
otherwise
, their laziness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them fatter in their weight.

To sum up, no one can deny that Global Obesity is a serious issue that should
be solved
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the solution of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the hands of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. And in my view, If someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "does", "did".
do
wants to win their obesity, He or She will win it and it
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "doesn't" or "doesn’t".
doesn`t
matter, how to fight with this, at home with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet-instructions or in Sport-clubs.
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IELTS essay Essay ``Global Obesity``.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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