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While the age of work of old people is extended having plus point, I strongly contend that the disadvantages are far more obvious.

While the age of work of old people is extended having plus point, I strongly contend that the disadvantages are far more obvious. dpM1K
In recent decades, the increasingly notable problems of allowing senior citizens to work continuously have occurred in many countries even though they have reached retirement ages. While the age of work of old people is extended having plus point, I strongly contend that the disadvantages are far more obvious. On the one hand, this policy brings advantages to old people who choose to stay and dedicate to work. Firstly, it is a great way to maintain their health and social relationships when they go to workplaces every day and communicate with their peers. Instead of loneliness at home, old people can contribute their strength and ability to the development of society and country, thereby improving their mental health. Secondly, old people are likely to pass their experience on young generation. It can be explained that they have spent many years for their jobs, therefore they have more experience than younger people. As a result, those help young people avoid mistakes unexpected. On the other hand, I personally contend that substantial disadvantages are more apparent. Firstly, old people will take up job opportunities of the youngsters when each filed only need a number certain human resource. To clarify, every year, a large number of adolescents find out work after they graduate university. If old people still maintain their work, it will lead to an increasing rate of unemployment in society. Secondly, old people are difficult to supersede the young generation because their creative ability is not as good as the young people. Indeed, old people do many years in their fields which make routine, even being conservative at work, contrast people just university graduates, frequently have creative thinking and bold initiate. Thus, comparing old citizens, youngsters can bring freshness into work which boosts innovation and efficiency at work. In conclusion, I would say that the potential dangers of prolonging the working time of the elderly are more significant than possible benefits.
In recent decades, the
increasingly
notable problems of allowing senior citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
continuously
have occurred in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
even though
they have reached retirement ages. While the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is extended
having plus point, I
strongly
contend that the disadvantages are far more obvious.

On the one hand, this policy brings advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who choose to stay and dedicate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
, it is a great way to maintain their health and social relationships when they go to workplaces every day and communicate with their peers.
Instead
of loneliness at home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can contribute their strength and ability to the development of society and country, thereby improving their mental health.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to pass their experience on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
that they have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years for their jobs,
therefore
they have more experience than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid mistakes unexpected.

On the other hand
, I
personally
contend that substantial disadvantages are more apparent.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will take up job opportunities of the youngsters when each filed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
need a number certain human resource. To clarify, every year,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
adolescents find out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after they graduate university. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it will lead to an increasing rate of unemployment in society.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are difficult to supersede the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their creative ability is not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years in their fields which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
routine, even being conservative at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, contrast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
university graduates,
frequently
have creative thinking and bold initiate.
Thus
, comparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
citizens, youngsters can bring freshness into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which boosts innovation and efficiency at work.

In conclusion
, I would say that the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of prolonging the working time of the elderly are more significant than possible benefits.
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IELTS essay While the age of work of old people is extended having plus point, I strongly contend that the disadvantages are far more obvious.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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