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young people have pressure on thier hard studies

young people have pressure on thier hard studies LbDp1
With the development of education, the pressure young people have is becoming increasingly important. One of the most common is the pressure to work hard on their studies. This essay discusses the cause of this topic. The first reason of this pessure is high parental expectation. Parents always want their children can have a better life in the future. Because of this desire, they decide to let their progeny study a lot of extra class. Whenever youthful people have bad or lower marks, parents are going to scold or beat violently. This matter accounted for the raise of the pressure inexperienced people have. Furthemore, heavy education systems probably stems for the pressure overload. The curriculum is made by the Ministry of Education is too burdensome. Moreover, students have a lot of examination in a year such as: oral test, mid-term test or the final test… This make pupils have to study all day long without the time break. Nevertheless, peer pressure can also give raise to this. Children have the inferiority complex. When they have the point lower than their friends, they think they not good enough, their parents will disapointed and their friends will mock, victime them. Young people will feel down, tired and want to give up. And that feeling will provoks students, make them depressed, hate themselves and they will suicidal. In conclusion, there are more several reasons lead to the raise of the pressure young people have on their hard studies. We need to pay more attentions, find and solve this problems because young people are the ones who help our society develop in the future.
With the development of education, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have is becoming
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. One of the most
Please check whether a plural form of 'common' should be used.
common
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. This essay discusses the cause of this topic.

The
first
reason of this
Possible spelling mistake found.
pessure
is high parental expectation. Parents always want their children can have a better life in the future.
Because of this
desire, they decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their progeny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Whenever youthful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
or lower marks, parents are going to scold or beat
violently
. This matter accounted for the raise of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
inexperienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthemore
, heavy education systems
probably
stems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
overload. The curriculum
is made
by the Ministry of Education is too burdensome.
Moreover
, students have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
examination in a year such as: oral
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, mid-term
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
or the final
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
… This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
pupils
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
all day long without the time break.

Nevertheless
, peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
can
also
give raise to this. Children have the inferiority complex. When they have the point lower than their friends, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, their parents will
Possible spelling mistake found.
disapointed
and their friends will mock,
Possible spelling mistake found.
victime
them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will feel down, tired and want to give up. And that feeling will
Possible spelling mistake found.
provoks
students,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them depressed, hate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
themselves and
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will suicidal
.

In conclusion
, there are more several reasons lead to the raise of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. We need to pay more attentions, find and solve
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the ones who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our society develop in the future.
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IELTS essay young people have pressure on thier hard studies

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
270 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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