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Some people believe that a complete ban on mass media is more beneficial. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people believe that a complete ban on mass media is more beneficial. ORXoN
Section of society claims that the complete restrictions on the mass media is more beneficial for individuals living in the surroundings. I am in substantial disagreement with the notion and going to to evaluate my view points in upcoming fragments Commencing against the statement there are myraids of demerits to ban the advertisements, but the the first prominent one that must be taken into consideration is that the people will not know about shopping trends. To elucidate, the advertisements are only sole source to know about the new products and goods, if there are no commercials then people are unable to to run according to new fashion and trends. Moreover, it hits the employment to great extent. In other words, the person who are earning income from advertisements will become unemployed, hence the factors are worth considering Another point to support the statement is that the people will be able to know about the surroundings. To be precise, one cannot know what is happening in the society without commercials. The complete restriction on advertisements can lead to no information and no knowledge about the surrounding. Conversely, commencing in the favour of notion, the people will escape from the fake news spread by advertisements. This is to say that there are many irrelevant news which leads the people to create violence. A good illustration of this is the fake news regarding the the farmer protest which leads to negative influence on their mind and the outcomes is the the disputes in the idle society. Hence, the point cannot be overlooked To sum up, it can be reitrated that although advertisements play an ubiquitous role to develop the society, but the people should not link the news with their life especially fake one's. So that they cannot mislead their path.
Section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
claims that the complete restrictions on the mass media is more beneficial for individuals living in the surroundings. I am in substantial disagreement with the notion and going
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
evaluate my view points in upcoming fragments

Commencing against the statement there are
Possible spelling mistake found.
myraids
of demerits to ban the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
first
prominent one that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into consideration is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about shopping trends. To elucidate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
sole source to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, if there are no commercials then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
run according to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
fashion and trends.
Moreover
, it hits the employment to great extent.
In other words
, the person who are earning income from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
will become unemployed,
hence
the factors are worth
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
considering


Another point to support the statement is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about the surroundings. To be precise, one cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
what is happening in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
without commercials. The complete restriction on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
can lead to no information and no knowledge about the surrounding.
Conversely
, commencing in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of notion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will escape from the fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
spread by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
. This is to say that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
irrelevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
which leads the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to create violence. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
regarding
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
farmer protest which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on their mind and the outcomes is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
disputes in the idle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Hence
, the point cannot
be overlooked


To sum up, it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
reitrated
that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
play
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
ubiquitous role to develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not link the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
with their life
especially
fake one's.
“So that” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So that
they cannot mislead their path.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that a complete ban on mass media is more beneficial.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
298 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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