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young people have more space and lead their life based on their perspective and value

Humans are social animals. It means we live together with other people and every person in our society has an effect on our lives and we affect others. Some people believe societies are more sensitive about their rules and values, and it makes young people more limited. Conversely, others think young people have more freedom than in the past. In my view, young people have more space and lead their life based on their perspective and values, nowadays. I feel this way for three chief reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, parents have less authority over the young. In the past young people had to satisfy their parents, as an important part of living in a society. For example, parents decided for them to marry whom, and even at what age. Conversely many young live independently and their family is not able to control them. For instance, in my family, my grandparents married when they were too young; furthermore, their parents chose them to whom they should marry. Conversely, I am 30 years old, and no one can require me to marry. Secondly, in the past society was more powerful. In fact, in absence of rules and government powerful individuals were ruling others without any limitation. For example, if people someone was an atheist, they killed that person, due to the fact, no one punishes them because of the murder. Actually, It was society and people that decided which religion you should believe in. Finally, older people are more open-minded now. To be more specific, people in the past were more strict about their values, and if someone broke their rules they could not tolerate that. For example, they killed and born gay persons, since they taught they are the cause of decreases and other disasters. In contrast, people have learned to live as a group while we have differences. As a result, young people have more freedom to follow their dreams and break the lines in the societies. In conclusion, I strongly feel young have more freedom, in comparison to their ancestors. This is because more of them live independently, people are more cross-minded, and society's authority has been replaced with government and law. .
Humans are social animals. It means we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together with
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other
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people
and every person in our
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society
has an effect on our
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
we affect others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are more sensitive about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and values, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more limited.
Conversely
, others
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think
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more freedom than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more space and lead their life based on their perspective and values, nowadays. I feel this way for three chief reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have less authority over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to satisfy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
decided for them to marry whom, and even at what age.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Conversely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
and their family is not able to control them.
For instance
, in my family, my grandparents married when they were too
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young
;
furthermore
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
chose them to whom they should marry.
Conversely
, I am 30 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, and no one can require me to marry.

Secondly
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
was more powerful. In fact, in absence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
powerful individuals were ruling others without any limitation.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
someone was an atheist, they killed that person, due to the fact, no one punishes them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the murder. Actually, It was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that decided which religion you should believe in.

Finally
, older
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people
are more open-minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
were more strict about their values, and if someone broke their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
they could not tolerate that.
For example
, they killed and born gay persons, since they taught they are the cause of decreases and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
disasters.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have learned to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
as a group while we have differences.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more freedom to follow their dreams and break the lines in the societies.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
have more freedom,
in comparison
to their ancestors. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more cross-minded, and society's authority has
been replaced
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and law.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
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IELTS essay young people have more space and lead their life based on their perspective and value

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
372 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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