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taking up some kind of sport is the best way for people to improve their social and psychological well-being. To what extent do you agree or disagree? what other measures do you think might be effective?

In the modern society increasing attention has been put in finding ways to increase people well-being, as an individual who is socially and psychologically stable, is more likely to be satisfied with his life with a positive impact on society as well. Some consider sport a great example of an activity to achieve this goal, and I personally agree on its effectiveness. Although, a selection of other leisure activities can have the same great impact on people’s lives. Practicing sport results in a number of benefits for people, such as meeting the need to establish new friendships. Nothing is considered more effective to bound with others than sharing a common hobby, thus it can represent a topic to start a conversation. Besides that, when it comes to sports that must be experienced in group, it’s impossible not to begin interacting with the group members. Moreover, as regards the psychological positive effects that it can lead to, it is undeniable that, because sport capture the player’s attention, can help forgetting problems and therefore relax. In some case it can also become a good method to ventilate frustration, thanks to the release of negative feelings and the expenditure of the energy cumulated during the day. Even if I strongly believe that practicing sport is one of the greatest way to pursue an healthy life’s style, other measures can be taken. An example can be found in movie or food festival. As a matter of fact, generally speaking, these two activities attract most of the people that, grouping together would find a place and a time to share their passions and to enjoy their leisure time. In conclusion, various measures can be adopted to increase people well-being. Personally, I would state that playing sports stands out among them as the benefits that can bring are countless, however other activities that focus on people interests can be extremely beneficial as well.
In the modern society increasing attention has
been put
in finding ways to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
well-being, as an individual who is
socially
and
psychologically
stable, is more likely to
be satisfied
with his life with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
a great example of an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
to achieve this goal, and I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
on its effectiveness.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, a selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can have the same great impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
results in a number of benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, such as meeting the need to establish new friendships. Nothing
is considered
more effective to bound with others than sharing a common hobby,
thus
it can represent a topic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a conversation.
Besides
that, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be experienced
in group, it’s impossible not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
interacting with the group members.

Moreover
, as regards the psychological
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects that it can lead to, it is undeniable that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
capture the player’s attention, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to forget" or "forget".
forgetting
problems and
therefore
relax. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
case it can
also
become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
method to ventilate frustration, thanks to the release of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings and the expenditure of the energy cumulated during the day.

Even if I
strongly
believe that practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is one of the greatest way to pursue
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
healthy life’s style,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures can
be taken
. An example can
be found
in movie or food festival. As a matter of fact,
generally
speaking, these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
attract most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that, grouping together would find a place and a time to share their passions and to enjoy their leisure time.

In conclusion
, various measures can
be adopted
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
well-being.
Personally
, I would state that playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stands out among them as the benefits that can bring are countless,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interests can be
extremely
beneficial
as well
.

IELTS essay taking up some kind of sport is the best way for people to improve their social and psychological well-being. what other measures do you think might be effective?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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