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Q. Many working people get little or no exercise either during working day or in their free time, have health problem as a result? why do many working people don get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

In recent times, people are becoming unhealthy due to a lack of physical activity, especially Working class. It is merely because of their less involvement in these activities during their office hours or leisure time. This essay will possibly explore the main reason behind it and try to come up with a possible solution for this issue. The most important factor which is preventing these people to engage in recreational activities is long working hours. It very common, nowadays, big corporate giants hardly give any time-off to their employees, in fact, they are bombarded with work even after their shift is over. For Instance, My younger brother works for a Multinational software firm, despite having long working hours, he also gets an assignment to finish on weekends. As a result, he hardly finds time to do exercise. Likewise, many young professionals are finding it difficult to indulge in sports. Thus, hampering their health. However, By implementing strict policies regulating the office hours, and by not providing job work after office hours can significantly mitigate this problem. By getting the time-off will give a chance to these people to explore the various avenues of physical exercise. Short breaks can be given to people along with gym facilities around the office campus will persuade them to exercise. consequently, Not only it will improve their health, but also their productivity. In contrast, if professionals are busy working all the time not only their physical well being deter, but mental health might also get affected. Hence, the Importance of exercise can not be overlooked. In conclusion, Although the time which goes in the job may be one of the numerous reason that prevents people from exercise, it can be solved by limiting the working hours and providing people with recess time.
In recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming unhealthy due to a lack of physical activity,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. It is
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their less involvement in these activities during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
or leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will
possibly
explore the main reason behind it and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with a possible solution for this issue.

The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor which is preventing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to engage in recreational activities is long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
It seems that a verb is missing.
It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common, nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporate giants hardly give any time-off to their employees, in fact, they
are bombarded
with work even after their shift is over.
For Instance
, My younger brother works for a Multinational software firm, despite having long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, he
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
an assignment to finish on weekends.
As a result
, he hardly finds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
Likewise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young professionals are finding it difficult to indulge in sports.
Thus
, hampering their health.

However
, By implementing strict policies regulating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, and by not providing job work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
can
significantly
mitigate this problem. By getting the time-off will give a chance to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore the various avenues of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Short breaks can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
along with gym facilities around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
campus will persuade them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their productivity.
In contrast
, if professionals are busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their physical
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
deter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
mental health might
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Hence
, the Importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can not
be overlooked
.

In conclusion
, Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which goes in the job may be one of the numerous reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, it can
be solved
by limiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with recess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.

IELTS essay Q. Many working people get little or no exercise either during working day or in their free time, have health problem as a result? why do many working people don get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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