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Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events. Do you agree or disagree?

The professional sports and the cultural programs have been in existence for a long time and have played an important part in people life. Therefore, I disagree that the government should direct the funds allocated to such events towards encouraging sports and arts among school students. A number of arguments support my opinion. To begin with, the professional sports bring name and fame to a country. Countries, which spends a lot on such sports, are always leading in sports in the Olympic Games, the World Cup and other such International competitions. Professional sports also boost the economy as millions of spectators come to see and cheer for their favourite teams in the stadiums. There are also big benefits from advertisements on TV as millions of people sit in front of the TV and watch sports shows. Furthermore, the cultural programs are effective ways that help people relax and reduce stress after work. Every day, there are a variety of cultural performances happening a; over the world. There are fascinating thousands of young people as well as adults. These cultural programs not only enrich people’s mind, but also spread our rich culture globally. Finally, it is difficult to motivate children to take up sports and arts without naming and praising superstars in professional activities. The success of people such as Sachin Tendulkar (a cricket player) or A R Rahman (a musician) is even more important in encouraging children to participate in sport and art subjects and any other kind of motivators. How could we tell our children to put more efforts on arts and sports if it would not lead to any money and success in the future? To sum up, it can be reiterated that spending on professional sports and cultural programs is imperative for the governments. Promoting sports in school should also be there, but not at the expense of professional sports and cultural events.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
have been in existence for a long time and have played an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
life.
Therefore
, I disagree that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should direct the funds allocated to such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
towards encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
among school students. A number of arguments support my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
bring name and fame to a country. Countries, which spends a lot on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, are always leading in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in the Olympic Games, the World Cup and other such International competitions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
boost the economy as millions of spectators
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and cheer for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
teams in the stadiums. There are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
benefits from advertisements on TV as millions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sit in front of the TV and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are effective ways that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relax and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
after work. Every day, there are a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
performances happening
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a;
over the world. There are fascinating thousands of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as well
as adults. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enrich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
spread our rich culture globally.

Finally
, it is difficult to motivate children to take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
without naming and praising superstars in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
activities. The success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
(a cricket player) or A R Rahman (a musician) is even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in encouraging children to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
subjects and any other kind of motivators. How could we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
our children to put more efforts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
if it would not lead to any money and success in the future?

To sum up, it can
be reiterated
that spending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
is imperative for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
. Promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in school should
also
be there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the expense of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
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IELTS essay Government needs to spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than to support professional sports and art events.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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