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young people enjoy their lives more than elder

young people enjoy their lives more than elder JoQ3B
Young people are in the best part of their entire lives which brings lots of amazing experiences for them and let them to enjoy more. By increase in their ages, more diseases appear, and some serious problems show up which make life hard and rub the chance of having a blessed life. In my view, young people for various reasons enjoy their lives more than elder, and I will elaborate on my opinion with the following reasons. First, youngsters do not take life too serious which results in having a happier life. Young people instead of thinking about difficulties prefer to be drawn in their dreams and their hope for creating a happy, and it helps them to enjoy the life more. On the other hand, older people are usually worried about the future of their children which results in having lot of concerns. Moreover, elder feel more responsibility toward their family and it can make it harder for them to have a happy life as much as the younger generation. My own life experience is a compelling example of this point. Last year, our country, Iran experienced a big economic and financial problem. Consequently, the life for most of the people became harder and harder. At the time when my father was worried about the future of the country, I was just thinking about studying and participating in my piano class. I believed normal people like us could not do anything which improve that situation, and because of that thought we should not be worried. But, my father was responsible for providing good life situations for us, and could not ignore all those financial problems of the country. This was a reason why at the time I had an enjoyable life, he was too worried and could not have happy days. Second, young people have healthier bodies which allow them to do more excitement activities that result in having more joy in their lives. Almost all the young people spend most of their time outside the house doing some entertaining activities which can bring lots of happiness to their life. On the other hand, older people confront with different disease which may even make it hard for them to move. As a result, they spend most of their time at home, and it can make them really bored. For instance, my brother is a young man and has a enjoyable life. each week he goes for biking with his friend, and they spend some nice time together. It helps them to go to different places and experience some situations which makes their lives fantastic. In contrast, my grandfather cannot walk properly, and it forces him to stay in home almost all days. This health problem has made him really bored and even seeing how young people with healthy body can go out and enjoy even make him more jealous and bored. To sum up, youngsters have lots of advantages which their lives happy. They do not think too deep about their problems and have a healthy life which let them to do excitement activities which bring joy to their lives. The bottom line is that based on these justifications, my conviction is that young people enjoy their lives more than elder.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in the best part of their entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
which brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of amazing experiences for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
more. By increase in their ages, more diseases appear, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and rub the chance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a blessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for various reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more than elder, and I will elaborate on my opinion with the following reasons.

First
, youngsters do not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
too serious which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of thinking about difficulties prefer to
be drawn
in their dreams and their hope for creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
more.
On the other hand
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
worried about the future of their children which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
concerns.
Moreover
, elder feel more responsibility toward their family and it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it harder for them to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as much as the younger generation. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience is a compelling example of this point. Last year, our country, Iran experienced a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
economic and financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
became harder and harder. At the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when my father
was worried
about the future of the country, I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
thinking about studying and participating in my piano
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. I believed normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like us could not do anything which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
that situation, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
we should not
be worried
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, my father was responsible for providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
situations for us, and could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
all those financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of the country. This was a reason why at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
I had an enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, he was too worried and could not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
days.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have healthier bodies which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to do more excitement activities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more joy in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Almost all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
outside the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertaining activities which can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of happiness to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
On the other hand
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
confront with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
disease which may even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
. As a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
, they spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home, and it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
really
bored.
For instance
, my brother is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
each
week he goes for biking with his friend, and they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places and experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
fantastic.
In contrast
, my grandfather cannot walk
properly
, and it forces him to stay in home almost all days. This health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
has made him
really
bored and even seeing how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with healthy body can go out and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
him more jealous and bored.

To sum up, youngsters have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of advantages which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
. They do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
too deep about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and have a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to do excitement activities which bring joy to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. The bottom line is that based on these justifications, my conviction is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
more than elder.
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IELTS essay young people enjoy their lives more than elder

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
542 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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