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Young people do not determine the future of society

Young people do not determine the future of society o1bRb
Throughout history, each society has tried to adapt itself to the latest changes; but many communities and countries could not be successful in this process. There is no shortage of opinion about the causes and roots of a social failure and less development. Some academicians are the proponent of the claim that young people are not involved in decision-making for society as much as it is needed and it has faced many societies with failures. On the contrary, most politicians believe that there is enough space for each group of people and generation to take part in the process of rulemaking. I strongly believe that the young generation does not involve adequately in decisions which determine the future of society. I the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through two outstanding reasons. The first exquisite point to be mentioned is that the rules and decisions of societies are mostly conservative. These instructions have been planned to keep things and advents in the way they are and most of the time new things do not get embraced by the men and women in power. One of the most fundamental issues that lead to such a conclusion is that most of the laws are enacted to protect the old generations and these items most of the time neglect the side of young people. As an example, most of the rules that are related to jobs and retirement are designed to provide more welfare for old people. The age of retirement, stipends, and good salaries are often considered for persons who have a lot of job experience and especially the ones who are at the end of their career lives. In contrast, lawmakers think less about young people who are going to start their adulthood and are at the beginning of their job roads. Another equally important fact which deserves to be mentioned is that there is not enough room for young policymakers. In most developing countries and even in developed ones, old politicians do not let younger people be responsible for vital positions and it is a sample of their ways of looking to the world. For example, one can easily observe that most of the congressmen and women are old. It is an uncommon phenomenon to have a young president. Especially in our country, there is a significant rule that does not permit people younger than 45 years to become president.
Throughout history, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has tried to adapt itself to the latest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities and countries could not be successful in this process. There is no shortage of opinion about the causes and roots of a social failure and less development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
academicians are the proponent of the claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not involved in decision-making for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as much as it
is needed
and it has faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
with failures.
On the contrary
, most politicians believe that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space for each group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the process of
Possible spelling mistake found.
rulemaking
. I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation does not involve
adequately
in decisions which determine the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Did you mean "If" or is a comma missing ("I,")?
I
the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on my viewpoint through two outstanding reasons.

The
first
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and decisions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are
mostly
conservative. These instructions have
been planned
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
things and advents in the way they are and most of the time new things do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
embraced by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in power. One of the most fundamental issues that lead to such a conclusion is that most of the laws
are enacted
to protect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generations and these items most of the time neglect the side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As an example, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that
are related
to jobs and retirement
are designed
to provide more welfare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The age of retirement, stipends, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salaries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered for persons who have
Possible agreement error. The noun job seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of jobs".
a lot of job
experience and
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who are at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of their career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
In contrast
, lawmakers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
less about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their adulthood and are at the beginning of their job roads.

Another
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fact which deserves to
be mentioned
is that there is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
room for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
policymakers. In most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
and even in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
politicians do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
be responsible for vital positions and it is a sample of their ways of looking to the world.
For example
, one can
easily
observe that most of the congressmen and women are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. It is an uncommon phenomenon to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
president.
Especially
in our country, there is a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that does not permit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
younger than 45 years to become president.
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IELTS essay Young people do not determine the future of society

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
402 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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