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Write about an example of social inequality. What do you see as a primary cause of this inequality?

Write about an example of social inequality. What do you see as a primary cause of this inequality? OE6V3
Our world is rife with injustice. While millions of children fight to stay warm, I have a choice of outfit every day. In the United Kingdom free education is taken for granted. Elsewhere there are young girls determined to overcome barriers to their own education, risking their lives. I have an almost infinite range of nutritious options on my school menu, yet there are desperate young children who right now could never imagine what a satisfied stomach feels like. This injustice weaves throughout history. My grandparents survived the Great Chinese Famine driven by desperation. My grandfather ate raw onions as if they were apples; my grandmother witnessed her dearest mother slowly but inevitably deteriorating from the lack of food, breaking her heart, while she was powerless to help, paralyzed as she was by the fatally incompetent nature of the government. In 21st century China, the juxtaposition between the lives of the rich and poor never fails to strike me. During visits to my parents’ homeland, I’m pulled between two polar opposites. On one side are my relatives in the countryside. Lacking dog food, they resorted to chucking leftovers to their mongrel. Their houses looked brittle. Their everyday existence was a million miles from my own life, yet we remain bound by blood. On the opposite side of the spectrum are families similar to my uncles, whether it be vacations to exotic attractions or an evening spent at Beijing’s premier Peking Duck restaurant in which delicately diced duck lay elaborately assembled and adorned with a rainbow palette of sauces, sugars, and vegetables. Time spent with this family is anything but dull. No one can deny that how privileged had painted over the dirty and disintegrating underlayer of society, so prominent in countless places in order that our entitled selves would be shielded from the unjust misery. The gap between the affluent and the poor borders on absurdity. The division is frightening in its starkness. There are two types of people: those who have nothing, and those with everything. Another tortuous truth is that while right now thousands of real people’s lives are being wrecked in the face of natural disasters, privileged people are producing multi-million dollar disaster thrillers only for the fleeting entertainment of those consumers privileged enough to have the means to purchase a ticket to such escapist entertainment. The primary cause of these disparities in wealth is that as privileged people, we play blind. We cannot continue to disregard the sufferings of millions. There needs to be an end to our distancing and now is the time to knock down the wall between our mundane, if hypnotically comfortable, existences and their living hell. Poverty is a desperate, pressing, and present emergency. Blessed to be placed in privileged positions, we should strive to love with a selfless and humble heart. Our society stands at the threshold of an urgent revival. All it takes is for one pair of eyes to open to the world around them.
Our world is rife with injustice. While millions of children fight to stay warm, I have a choice of outfit every day. In the United Kingdom free education
is taken
for granted.
Elsewhere
there are young girls determined to overcome barriers to their
own
education, risking their
lives
. I have an almost infinite range of nutritious options on my school menu,
yet
there are desperate young children who right
now
could never imagine what a satisfied stomach feels like.

This injustice weaves throughout history. My grandparents survived the Great Chinese Famine driven by desperation. My grandfather ate raw onions as if they were apples; my grandmother witnessed her dearest mother
slowly
but
inevitably
deteriorating from the lack of food, breaking her heart, while she was powerless to
help
, paralyzed as she was by the
fatally
incompetent nature of the
government
. In 21st century China, the juxtaposition between the
lives
of the rich and poor never fails to strike me. During visits to my parents’ homeland, I’m pulled between two polar opposites. On one side are my relatives in the countryside. Lacking dog food, they resorted to chucking leftovers to their mongrel. Their
houses
looked brittle. Their everyday existence was a million miles from my
own
life,
yet
we remain bound by blood. On the opposite side of the spectrum are families similar to my uncles, whether it be vacations to exotic attractions or an evening spent at Beijing’s premier Peking Duck restaurant in which
delicately
diced duck lay
elaborately
assembled and adorned with a rainbow palette of sauces, sugars, and vegetables. Time spent with this family is anything
but
dull.

No one can deny that how
privileged
had painted over the dirty and disintegrating
underlayer
of society,
so
prominent in countless places in order that our entitled selves would
be shielded
from the unjust misery. The gap between the affluent and the poor borders on absurdity. The division is frightening in its starkness. There are two types of
people
: those who have nothing, and those with everything.

Another tortuous truth is that while right
now
thousands of real
people’s
lives
are
being wrecked
in the face of natural disasters,
privileged
people
are producing multi-million dollar disaster thrillers
only
for the fleeting entertainment of those consumers
privileged
enough
to have the means to
purchase
a ticket to such escapist entertainment.

The primary cause of these disparities in wealth is that as
privileged
people
, we play blind. We cannot continue to disregard the sufferings of millions. There needs to be an
end
to our distancing and
now
is the time to knock down the wall between our mundane, if
hypnotically
comfortable, existences and their living hell.

Poverty is a desperate, pressing, and present emergency. Blessed to
be placed
in
privileged
positions, we should strive to
love
with a selfless and humble heart. Our society stands at the threshold of an urgent revival. All it takes is for one pair of eyes to open to the world around them.
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IELTS essay Write about an example of social inequality. What do you see as a primary cause of this inequality?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
496 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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