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Nowadays it is seen that people celebrate other cultures within their local cultures, do you think it is good for our society?

Nowadays it is seen that people celebrate other cultures within their local cultures, do you think it is good for our society? 8J65r
Every nation has its own culture, which represents its country to others. At present, it is very common that, people celebrate other nations cultural programmes within local cultural practices. I think it will spread a bad impact on our society. To embark with, nowadays, people show less interest in their own culture and follow other countries culture. they want to follow other countries traditions as they want to become trendy. In addition, they do not show their respect for local traditions. Moreover, it is definitely bad practice for people because people invest a lot of money to organize these festivals, and it is a way of wasting money without any reason. Furthermore, it hampers students study also when a student wants to join this kind of the programme he or she spends more time to make costumes and for preparing foods, as a, a result they do not study well which can affect his/her result. For example, my neighbour's young boy who is a student and he is always interested in other nations cultural programmes and he does not leave any opportunity to celebrate Halloween parties, Christmas parties, new year parties and so on with his friend, as a result, he failed in his exams. Sometimes these kinds of festivals make a person irresponsible and I think it will become a major threat to our society, our next generation will forget our local culture. On the other hand, if people follow other countries cultures it will help them to know about new traditions and new things. In addition, it will help people to share their happiness with others and people can try different things. it increases our knowledge about other countries cultures. by these kinds of cultural, programs people can refresh their minds and they can spend some quality time with their family and friends. for instance, for the last five, years my family celebrate the new year party, we cook food we do Fireworks and take many photos it gives us so much fun and it makes our day very enjoyable. In conclusion, every coin has two sides like celebrating other countries cultural programs. I think it is spread more drawbacks than advantages to our society. Thus, it is bad for our society.
Every nation has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, which represents its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to others. At present, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
celebrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
within local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
practices. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will spread a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on our society.

To embark with, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
less interest in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
want to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
traditions as they want to become trendy.
In addition
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their respect for local traditions.
Moreover
, it is definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
practice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to organize these festivals, and it is a way of wasting money without any reason.
Furthermore
, it hampers students study
also
when a student wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
this kind of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
he or she spends more time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
costumes and for preparing foods, as
Did you forget something after 'a'?
a,
a result they do not study well which can affect his/her result.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
's young boy who is a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
student and
he is always interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
programmes and
he does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
any opportunity to celebrate Halloween
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
, Christmas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parties
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on with his friend,
as a result
, he failed in his exams.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
these kinds of festivals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person irresponsible and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will become a major threat to our society, our
next
generation will forget our local culture.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things.
In addition
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their happiness with others and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
increases our knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
, programs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can refresh their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
minds and
they can spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
quality time with their family and friends.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, for the last five, years my family celebrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
party
, we cook food we do Fireworks and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
photos it gives us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much fun and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enjoyable.

In conclusion
, every coin has two sides like celebrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
programs. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it
is spread
more drawbacks than advantages to our society.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for our society.
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IELTS essay Nowadays it is seen that people celebrate other cultures within their local cultures, do you think it is good for our society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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