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Young people are vulnerable, so they get affected by the people from their surroundings. I believe their behavior is greatly influenced by their companions which has more advantages than drawbacks.

Young people are vulnerable, so they get affected by the people from their surroundings. I believe their behavior is greatly influenced by their companions which has more advantages than drawbacks. PRXDw
Young people are vulnerable, so they get affected by the people from their surroundings. I believe their behavior is greatly influenced by their companions which has more advantages than drawbacks. Firstly, peer pressure causes a sense of competition among students that helps in achieving success in life. When they see their classmates endeavoring success in their life, they envy. This works positively when they try to imitate their habits to achieve the same growth. For example, the world-famous athlete accepted that he joined sports as his friend was performing profoundly in sports. Secondly, they get motivation from their batch mates. This motivation encourages them to study well and perform well in academics. Many young masses learn new lessons from their class fellows because they understand them well. The amiable learning between them is beneficial and long-lasting. For instance, a survey state that youth prefer to learn from class-fellows than teachers because they encourage them. If they learn from someone of their age, the learning speed is rapid. Hence, peer pressure is beneficial for achieving goals. Nonetheless, many peers influence their close ones to imbibe bad habits. Despite they need company, they share the positive sides of drugs, and alcohol. Some children often squander money just to flaunt their lifestyle in their social circle. This becomes a problem for those who cannot afford this. For example, many girls demand their parents to buy new clothes because their friends bought some branded attires. To recapitulate, I believe the effects of peer pressure are inevitable. I find there are more advantages than disadvantages as it brings a sense of competition and encouragement among children.
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are vulnerable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from their surroundings. I believe their behavior is
greatly
influenced by their companions which has more advantages than drawbacks.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure causes a sense of competition among students that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in achieving success in life. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their classmates endeavoring success in their life, they envy. This works
positively
when they try to imitate their habits to achieve the same growth.
For example
, the world-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athlete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
sports as his friend was performing
profoundly
in sports.

Secondly
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motivation from their batch mates. This motivation encourages them to study well and perform well in academics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young masses learn new lessons from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
fellows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they understand them well. The amiable learning between them is beneficial and long-lasting.
For instance
, a survey state that youth prefer to learn from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
-fellows than teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they encourage them. If they learn from someone of their age, the learning speed is rapid.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure is beneficial for achieving goals.

Nonetheless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
influence their close ones to imbibe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits. Despite they need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, they share the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of drugs, and alcohol.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
squander money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to flaunt their lifestyle in their social circle. This becomes a problem for those who cannot afford this.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
girls demand their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
new clothes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
branded attires.

To recapitulate, I believe the effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
pressure are inevitable. I find there are more advantages than disadvantages as it brings a sense of competition and encouragement among children.
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IELTS essay Young people are vulnerable, so they get affected by the people from their surroundings. I believe their behavior is greatly influenced by their companions which has more advantages than drawbacks.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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