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Young people are often the first to suffer when job opportunities are scarce In which ways does age affect employment opportunities How might employees deal with the issues fairly

Young people are often the first to suffer when job opportunities are scarce In which ways does age affect employment opportunities How might employees deal with the issues fairly WyoNk
Two hundred people lost their job”, “Unemployment rates are rising”, we hear or read that kind of news every day so it might be becoming usual thing for us to be fired. Yet, many people argue that young people are most likely to lose their job in case of redundancy, and it is unfair. If we look at that issue from employer’s side there are a few reason why young workers are getting fired. Firstly, many companies regularly train their staff, as a result someone who have been working in one company for some years will get many training classes, so will be more experienced and professional. To that end any company when it has to let someone go choose new, young workers, because company tries to keep a professional for whom they put a lot of effort. Secondly, when a company has to fire its workers, surely it will be experiencing some difficulties, so the company wants to keep its loyal workers and consequently productivity, having that in mind company’s authorities keep older, experienced workforce who have been working there for a long period. Thirdly companies might be afraid of loosing their secrets to their competitors. Mostly, an employee who has been working there for a long years, undoubtedly, knows a lot of things about company than young employee who has came recently. In order to deal with abovementioned problems in a fair way companies could take some measures. Initially companies must be sure that their workers have insurance in case they suddenly become unemployed. In that case employees would not suffer a lot from their job lost. Additionally, if it is inevitable to fire some of their worker companies should show respect to their new, young workers and give even a little chance to them keep their position. In that case I personally recommend to make random choices about who will get fired. For instance, 65% of those who have been working there less than 5 years and 35% of those who have been working more than that might be dismissed. In that way company would show its works both, that it values its loyal workers and also gives chance for the young. In summary, today competition for working position in any field is really high and getting fired sometimes could be unavoidable. However, Human Resources and Formal Authorities in any company must do their best to provide atmosphere that is based on fair competition inside the staff.
Two hundred
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost their job”, “Unemployment rates are rising”, we hear or read that kind of news every day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it might be becoming usual thing for us to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fired
.
Yet
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are most likely to lose their job in case of redundancy, and it is unfair.

If we look at that issue from employer’s side there are a few reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fired
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
regularly
train their staff,
as a result
someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
years will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
training classes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will be more experienced and professional. To that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
when it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
someone go choose new,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
tries to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
a professional for whom they put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort.
Secondly
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
fire its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
,
surely
it will be experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
its loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
consequently
productivity, having that in mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
older, experienced workforce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
there for a long period.
Thirdly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
might be afraid of loosing their secrets to their competitors.
Mostly
, an employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
there for a long
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "year"?
years
,
undoubtedly
, knows
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has
Use past participle here: "come".
came
recently.

In order to deal with
Possible spelling mistake found.
abovementioned
problems in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
could take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures.
Initially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be sure that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
have insurance in case they
suddenly
become unemployed.
In that case
employees would not suffer a lot from their job lost.
Additionally
, if it is inevitable to fire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to their new,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and give even a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
chance to them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their position.
In that case
I
personally
recommend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
random choices about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fired
.
For instance
, 65% of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
there less than 5 years and 35% of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than that might
be dismissed
. In that way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
its works both, that it values its loyal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
and
also
gives chance for the young.

In summary,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
competition for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
position in any field is
really
high and getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
could be unavoidable.
However
, Human Resources and Formal Authorities in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do their best to provide atmosphere that
is based
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
competition inside the staff.
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IELTS essay Young people are often the first to suffer when job opportunities are scarce In which ways does age affect employment opportunities How might employees deal with the issues fairly

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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