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Young people are often influenced by their peers

Young people are often influenced by their peers XGGmw
Adolescents are usually guided to make decisions by their age-mates. The positive effects of peer pressure outweigh the advantages because, the youth usually motivate each other in doing activities they love to do moreover, peer groups tend to give a sense of belonging and increases a sense of confidence. On the contrary, peer pressure may lead to harmful and distractive behaviours and may also lead distraction from school work. Peer pressure motivates young adults to do activities they would not imagined to do. For instance, joining clubs like chess clubs and book clubs.  These activities can actually help in decision making regarding career pathways. Most young adults tend to copy each other, in a good way. For example, if one in the group is saving for car can motivate the others to do so, which turns out to be beneficial to most of them. Peer groups provide a sense of belonging and support outside their family backgrounds.  A number of young adults struggle with things that they can not discuss with their families and would prefer discussing with friends. These groups then give support and reassurance. For instance, a young adult having difficulty with identifying with sexuality may get support and reassurance from the age-mates with the desired sexuality. On the other hand,  peer pressure may lead to harmful and dangerous behaviours like, substance abuse. Such a habit may be difficult to get out of and may lead to addiction and even death in serious situations.  Moreover,   peer pressure may distract from school work. Most young adults tend to have hobbies that give them instant gratification and blind their future. For example, a peer group can easily convince each other to skip school at least twice a week. In conclusion, peer pressure has  positive effects to the youth, they have a sense of belonging and great support from their age-mates. They are easily motivated to engage in positive decisions for their future. However, it can lead to dangerous habits and distraction from school.
Adolescents are
usually
guided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions by their age-mates. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
outweigh the advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the youth
usually
motivate each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in doing activities they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to do
moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
tend to give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of belonging and increases a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of confidence.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to harmful and
Possible spelling mistake found.
distractive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and may 
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
distraction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work.

Peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to do activities they would not
The verb 'imagined' is used with the gerund form: "imagined doing".
imagined to do
.
For instance
, joining clubs like chess clubs and book clubs.  These activities can actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
regarding career pathways. Most young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
tend to copy each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way. For example, if one in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
is saving for car can motivate the others to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, which turns out to be beneficial to most of them.

Peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
provide a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of belonging and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
outside their family backgrounds.  A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
struggle with things that they can not discuss with their families and would prefer discussing with friends. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
then give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and reassurance.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult having difficulty with identifying with sexuality may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and reassurance from the age-mates with the desired sexuality.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
 peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to harmful and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
like, substance abuse. Such a habit may be difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of and may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to addiction and even death in serious situations.  
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
  peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
may distract from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
work. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
tend to have hobbies that give them instant gratification and blind their future.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
can
easily
convince each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to skip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at least twice a week.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
has
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects to the youth, they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of belonging and great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from their age-mates. They are
easily
motivated to engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
decisions for their future.
However
, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lead
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
 habits and distraction from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay Young people are often influenced by their peers

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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