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today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. why is it? Is it positive or negative development?

today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. why is it? Is it positive or negative development? g55Vl
It is often argued that in the salad days of millennium, numerous offsprings spend minimum time on sports and more busy in computer games. A chunk of society opines that this is a much-needed change, however others consider the same as destructive trend. I will argue the causes of this trend and why this is a negative development by highlighting the reasons substantiate the same in the upcoming paragraphs. Commencing with the reasons, that multifarious pupils spend plethora of time playing computer games as well as less time on sports. The most prominent reason is they feel sluggish to play outside for sports owing to they ponder that they will get tired after some time and even, it requires enormous physical efforts. To exemplify, during summer season, the weather is extremely scorching and during the winter season, the weather is immensely wintry as a result moppets do not want to go outside to play sports instead of that they prefer to play computer games in an air-conditioner room or in warm room. Even, during the rainy season, their guardians are not allowed them to play sports on account off if they will play in rain, then they will fall ill. Another factor worth considering is they have fear of getting injuries while playing sports as a number of pupils postulate that if they will play outside, then may be they will be get some injuries. Nevertheless, spending numerous of time on computer games as compared to sports have umpteen dismal consequences. The most conspicuous one is computer games impact children's eyesight badly due to the fact that to win the games, they keep high concentration on computer which increase the risk of eyestrain as electronic gadgets emit the blue light radiation and it is very harmful for them. To substantiate the same, there is an epitome of one of my neighbor's child, who started wearing spectacles in a very young age because of computer games. Moreover, they are getting addiction of it because they are spending maximum time on it and even, their beloved ones are also not stopping them to use it as they think that their child's will not disturb them. Consequently, pupils are not only playing sports but also not concentrating on their studies. Furthermore, when children spend long hours on the computer, they become isolated from the society. In compendium and give my profound opinion, although computer games are beneficial for some time and pupils will not get any injuries while playing sports, they will get addiction of computer games which can affect to their eyes as well as playing less sports will not help them to develop physically and mentally.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that in the salad days of millennium, numerous
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
spend minimum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and more busy in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. A chunk of society opines that this is a much-needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
,
however
others consider the same as destructive trend. I will argue the causes of this trend and why this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development by highlighting the reasons substantiate the same in the upcoming paragraphs.

Commencing with the reasons, that multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
spend plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as well
as less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. The most prominent reason is they feel sluggish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
owing to they ponder that they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tired after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and even, it requires enormous physical efforts. To exemplify, during summer season, the weather is
extremely
scorching and during
Consider using "winter".
the winter season
, the weather is
immensely
wintry
as a result
moppets do not want to go outside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
instead
of that they prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
in an air-conditioner room or in warm room. Even, during the rainy season, their guardians are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on account off if they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in rain, then they will fall ill. Another factor worth considering is they have fear of getting injuries while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
postulate that if they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside, then
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
they will be
Consider using a past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
injuries.

Nevertheless
, spending numerous of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
have umpteen dismal consequences. The most conspicuous one is computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
impact children's eyesight
badly
due to the fact that to win the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
high concentration on computer which increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of eyestrain as electronic gadgets emit the blue light radiation and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for them. To substantiate the same, there is an epitome of one of my neighbor's child, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
wearing spectacles in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Moreover
, they are getting addiction of it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are spending maximum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on it and even, their beloved ones are
also
not stopping them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their child's will not disturb them.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
not concentrating on their studies.
Furthermore
, when children spend long hours on the computer, they become isolated from the society.

In compendium and give my profound opinion, although computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any injuries while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addiction of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which can affect to their eyes
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun sports is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop
physically
and mentally.
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IELTS essay today many children spend a lot of time playing computer games and little time on sports. why is it? Is it positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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