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Young people are not only richer but also safer and healthier but are less happy. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons with viewpoints.

Young people are not only richer but also safer and healthier but are less happy. Give reasons with viewpoints. AJBgl
In this contemporary world, people want to have a great balance of healthier happy life and bright future along with becomes a rich. Moreover, the young generation of people are safer than others, richer and healthier but not happy than others from my point of view. some of reasons are discussed in essay below. To commence with the young people not happy are, Firstly, young people are trying to find happiness in buying some products such as vehicles, electronic devices, property, etc. Secondly, young people try to getting happiness from outerside. which really should comes from innerside of them. Lastly, young people does not try to maintain the traditions and family values. from my point of view, maintaining the family values and traditions are one of the essential key of happiness. On the other side of moon, there are some reasons that people are happy. Firstly, young people do set a goal and reach to it which makes them happy. Secondly, consuminism and capitalism are the two major aspect which gives the young people happiness from innerside. Lastly, the young people who studies are getting more better education and going to abroad to achieve bright future and reach their goals which gives the young people happiness. To put all the above points into a nutshell, I would like to conclude that nowadays, young people are richer, safer and healthier but not happy as they should be.
In this contemporary world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to have a great balance of healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
life and bright future along with becomes a rich.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are safer than others, richer and healthier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
than others from my point of view.
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the reasons") or simply say "some reasons".
some of reasons
are discussed
in essay below. To commence with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
are,
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are trying to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
in buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products such as vehicles, electronic devices, property, etc.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to
Did you mean "get"?
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
outerside
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
really
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "come"
comes
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
innerside
of them.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not try to maintain the traditions and family values.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
from
my point of view, maintaining the family values and traditions are one of the essential key of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. On the other side of moon, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do set a goal and reach to it which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
consuminism
and capitalism are the two major aspect which gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
innerside
.
Lastly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who studies are getting
Use only "better" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more better
education and
There isn't usually a preposition before "abroad". Did you mean "going abroad"?
going to abroad
to achieve bright future and reach their goals which gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. To put all the above points into a nutshell, I would like
to conclude
that nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are richer, safer and healthier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
as they should be.
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IELTS essay Young people are not only richer but also safer and healthier but are less happy. Give reasons with viewpoints.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
236 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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