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physical education should be compulsory for schoolchildren . Do you agree or disagree?

physical education should be compulsory for schoolchildren. 30AbY
Physical education has been included in education for such a long time. However, a number of poeple are still in two minds that should it be an obligatory subject for school children or not? To begin with, many people give a point of view that physical education is not really necessary for students. Not all of them pupils in good condition to study. Besides, they are not really keen on this subject and study involuntarily, so it does not have much positive effect on them. They belive that knowledge and academic are the primal importances at school. On the contrary, the others consider that physical education should be required for schoolchildren. Not only knowledge but also sports spirit are needed at school. Outside activities can help students to stay physically fit, improve their health and especially develope their teamwork after hard lessons. Those students whose health are not good enough, they can practice less or gently. To sum up, while physical education is vital for someone but opposite effect with the others, I am of the opinion that it should be required for pupils. Physical education will be more profitable for them if they understand the real meaning of its.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
been included
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for such a long time.
However
, a number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
poeple
are
still
in two minds that should it be an obligatory subject for school children or not? To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
give a point of view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is not
really
necessary for students. Not all of them pupils in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
condition to study.
Besides
, they are not
really
keen on this subject and study
involuntarily
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it does not have much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on them.
Did you mean "They believe"?
They belive
that knowledge and academic are the primal
Possible spelling mistake found.
importances at
school.
On the contrary
, the others consider that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be required
for schoolchildren. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
sports spirit
are needed
at school. Outside activities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to stay
physically
fit,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
their teamwork after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
lessons. Those students whose health are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they can practice less or
gently
. To sum up, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is vital for someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
opposite effect with the others, I am of the opinion that it should
be required
for pupils.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will be more profitable for them if they understand the real meaning of its.
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IELTS essay physical education should be compulsory for schoolchildren.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
200 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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