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Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than the previous generation. What is your own opinion? v.1

Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than the previous generation. What is your own opinion? v. 1
In the era of high-tech, technology is being played role in human life for easier. At present technology has made many features for working as well as entertainment. More and more individuals are working sitting at their home with the support of technology. It has enough of merits and certain demerits, which I will explain in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark with, working at home with the aid of technology factors has advantages. First and foremost step is that, it helps to spend time with family members as well as friends. It makes a good relationship with people working at home. Secondly, it saves their time, if people are doing work on their home. They can pressure their hobbies, which will be beneficial for themselves. Another benefit is that it is a cheap way. To illustrate, if a person goes outside away from their home for regarding their business. He or she has to pay money for tickets, and he or she spends too much wages on their travelling, which is not a good way to a better career. On the other side, if a person works at home with technology features such as smartphones, computers and many more. So it is an inexpensive method. On the flip side, in spite of the advantages, there are some disadvantages. Firstly, people cannot know about the other employees, who work their company. It is not good for a good relationship with workers. In addition to it, they can't share the joys and sorrows like threats, which they come to deal in business as well as can not communicate face to face with workers. In this way, it loses their communication skills. To conclude, I would say that every coin has two aspects. Although working at home with technology features has more advantages, yet some disadvantages. It has more advantages than disadvantages.
In the era of high-tech,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is
being played
role in human life for easier. At present
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
features for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as well
as entertainment. More and more individuals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
sitting at their home with the support of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
of merits and certain demerits, which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in the upcoming paragraphs.

To embark with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home with the aid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
factors has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
.
First
and foremost step is that, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to spend time with family members
as well
as friends. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home.
Secondly
, it saves their time, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are doing work on their home. They can pressure their hobbies, which will be beneficial for themselves. Another benefit is that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
way. To illustrate, if a person goes outside away from their home for regarding their business. He or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pay money for tickets, and he or she spends too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
wages on their travelling, which is not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to a better career. On the other side, if a person works at home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
features such as smartphones, computers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is an inexpensive method.

On the flip side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot know about the other employees, who work their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. It is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
relationship with workers.
In addition
to it, they can't share the joys and sorrows like threats, which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to deal in business
as well
as can not communicate face to face with workers. In this way, it loses their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, I would say that every coin has two aspects. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
features has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. It has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
than disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Young people are much more aware of and concerned about issues like the environment, poverty and animal welfare than the previous generation. What is your own opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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