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Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as a role model

Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as a role model PReJw
It is true that young people are extremely motivated by well known individual and they look up to them as a mentor and I fully agree with this. A role model is a person you look to imitate and copy in order to achieve success and career goals. A role model motivate young people never to give up on their dreams even when they fail. Famous people have full dedication for their passion and goals, even when they face obstacles and challenges, they always prevail. For instance Michael faraday failed so many times but he never gave up, until he invented electro magnetic induction.
It is true that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
extremely
motivated by well known
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individual and
they look up to them as a mentor and I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this. A role model is a person you look to imitate and copy in order to achieve success and career goals.

A role model motivate young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
never to give up on their dreams even when they fail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have full dedication for their passion and goals, even when they face obstacles and challenges, they always prevail.
For instance
Michael
Possible spelling mistake found.
faraday
failed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he never gave up, until he invented
Possible spelling mistake found.
electro
magnetic induction.
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IELTS essay Young people are highly influenced by famous people and they look up to them as a role model

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
104 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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