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Advantages of improved technology outweigh the disadvantages

Advantages of improved technology outweigh the disadvantages 1AgdG
I think the advantages of improved technology doesn't outweigh the disadvantages because is neutral. I mean, maybe robots have replaced people in a certain work but to make them do it, someone has to create them first. So, there is the new source of work. It's just like, people change of field, instead of do the work, they work in construct something to do it. Likewise, there are jobs were a robot or computer cannot do it as a human could; like, treating with sickness and injuries, stuff of a hospital. Robots and computers would only work as a tool but not to replace humans, since theseare made with an artificial mind and everything there is too logical and mathematical. There's no place to emphaty. Consequently, humans should be careful with technology, learn or be coherence of what we're doing and how much affect us more than how helpful it could be.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
technology doesn't outweigh the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is neutral. I mean, maybe robots have replaced
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people
in a certain
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work
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but
to
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make
them do it, someone
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has to
create them
first
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is the new source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. It's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of field,
instead
of do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in construct something to do it.

Likewise
, there are jobs were a robot or computer cannot do it as a human could; like, treating with sickness and injuries, stuff of a hospital. Robots and computers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a tool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to replace humans, since
Possible spelling mistake found.
theseare
made with an artificial mind and everything there is too logical and mathematical. There's no place to
Possible spelling mistake found.
emphaty
.

Consequently
, humans should be careful with technology, learn or be coherence of what we're doing and how much affect us more than how helpful it could be.
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IELTS essay Advantages of improved technology outweigh the disadvantages

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
152 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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