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Advantages of improved technology.

Advantages of improved technology. VweMO
I think the advantages of improved technology doesn't outweigh the disadvantages because is neutral. I mean, maybe robots have replaced people in a certain work but to make them do it, someone has to create them first. So, there is the new source of work. It's just like, people change of field, instead of do the work, they work in construct something to do it. Likewise, there are jobs were a robot or computer cannot do it as a human could; like, treating with sickness and injuries, stuff of a hospital. These things would only work as a tool but not to replace humans, since robots are made with an artificial mind and everything there is too logical and mathematical. Consequently, humans should be careful with technology, learn or be coherence of what we're doing and how much affect us more than how helpful it could be.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
technology doesn't outweigh the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
is neutral. I mean, maybe robots have replaced
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people
in a certain
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work
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but
to
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make
them do it, someone
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has to
create them
first
.
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So
, there is the new source of
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work
. It's
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just
like,
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of field,
instead
of do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in construct something to do it.

Likewise
, there are jobs were a robot or computer cannot do it as a human could; like, treating with sickness and injuries, stuff of a hospital. These things would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as a tool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not to replace humans, since robots
are made
with an artificial mind and everything there is too logical and mathematical.

Consequently
, humans should be careful with technology, learn or be coherence of what we're doing and how much affect us more than how helpful it could be.
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IELTS essay Advantages of improved technology.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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