Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school

Young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school A3m3e
Nowadays, people try to do right with they spending their time properly, and given this, some people believe that it is quite important that the young generation are to motivate to a job or take a trip before starting university. This issue has positive and negative points, which will be discussed both sides in this essay. I will explain my idea about the topic at the end. First of all, working for students can be useful, so that they develop their skills to find their ability for a particular way in order to continue it academically. For example, in Iran, it is not possible for students to know their skills during high school. If young people have an opportunity to find their ability, they will continued education in related to a job that is more suitable for them. Furthermore, Traveling can be encouraging to achieve their goals. I mean, it can be possible that by trip they meet different needs as well as different new jobs that will be useful for their education. For instance, my brother traveled to another country and became interested in modern architecture and was able to study in that field and succeeded in architecture. On the other hand, for some students, this break maybe is worthless. Some people prefer to just work without schooling. As an example, if youth can earn easily, they may not want to go to university anymore. Another downside is considered that this distance maybe is a waste of time for some scholars. However they can start university immediately after the last year of high school, so that they graduate sooner in order to find a job. Such as, getting a degree is essential for many companies and there is no position for illiterate person. In conclusion, although taking a break can be advantageous for pupils to continue their education, I disagree with this view. In my opinion, if there should be a gap, it is better to be a few short months so that students do not lose their motivation.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to do right with
Did you mean "they're spending", "they are spending", or "they were spending"?
they spending
their time
properly
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that the young generation are to motivate to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or take a trip
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting university. This issue has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points, which will
be discussed
both sides in this essay. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the topic at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can be useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to find their ability for a particular way in order to continue it
academically
.
For example
, in Iran, it is not possible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
during high school. If young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opportunity to find their ability, they will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "continue"
continued
education in related to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that is
more suitable for them.
Furthermore
, Traveling can be encouraging to achieve their goals. I mean, it can be possible that by trip they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
needs
as well
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that will be useful for their education.
For instance
, my brother traveled to another country and became interested in modern architecture and was able to study in that field and succeeded in architecture.

On the other hand
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, this break maybe is worthless.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
work without schooling. As an example, if youth can earn
easily
, they may not want to go to university anymore. Another downside
is considered
that this distance maybe is a waste of time for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
university immediately after the last year of high school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they graduate sooner in order to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Such as, getting a degree is essential for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and there is no position for illiterate person.

In conclusion
, although taking a break can be advantageous for pupils to continue their education, I disagree with this view. In my opinion, if there should be a gap, it is better to be a few short months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not lose their motivation.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5band
    write about True Freedom for Girls? what are the solution or causes.
    Nowadays, freedom for girls is the more important thing in our country. There are several villages where their society plays a vital role in women's discrimination. In backward areas, if a girl child is born at any house so, their society member also says it is a girl, it is a burden these type of s...
  • 5.5band
    Waste problems in Big Cities
    New York, Tokyo, Mumbai, and Shanghai are all facing the same problem, regardless of their location around the world; this problem of population explosion. With the huge population comes a ton of garbage. This has become one of the most critical issues for governments across the world. Among all the...
  • 6band
    Have you ever been in a leadership position? What makes a good leader? How was your experience?
    Yes, Every year our college organizes an annual technical festival called Spectra The Fest. Voting was done in college and, I was elected as a marketing head. In the beginning, I make a small team of other students who are interested in marketing work. We all worked together and, we guide and influ...
  • 5band
    A live sport event you watched before
    I want to talk about the recent world cup final match between France and Croatia. The match was held in Russia at the Luzhniki Stadium. this is the highest and most competitive football league in the world I am especially looking forward to watching this match as i am a huge fan of croatia football ...
  • 5.5band
    Some people think that reading e-books are meore beneficial. Discuss the topic and give your opinion.
    It is true that, nowadays so many people read e-books by the phone or computer. We mayse advantages and diadvantages of this case. Onthe one hand, there are lots of facilities of reading e-books and it was considered very comfortable way by teaders. Firstly, because of the internet readers can find ...
  • 6band
    Construction of fast train railways
    A relatively new issue is rising in some countries regarding the idea of public transportation. Some believe that an extravagant amount of money should be spent on the construction of a set of railways for fast trains between cities; It comes as no surprise that a group of opponents is against this ...