Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Young people admire stars even though they don't set good examples. Discuss

Young people admire stars even though they don't set good examples. Discuss jDWlL
Nowadays, thanks to the internet and improved communication, more youngsters start to admire stars, though they don’t set good examples. Let me elaborate. On the one hand, the young usually don’t know anything. They haven’t start their life, still live with their parents and they are very curious, but their curiosity makes them unaware of the facts and lies, thus, in the end, they just absorb everything they hear and see with no consideration. This is really awful, because children could become bad people as they listen to everything, even bad things. In fact, even adults could be tricked into thinking something is good for them and the society but is actually not. For example, the tobacco industry, Camel launched an advertising campaign back in the 1950s to increase their profit by using doctors and famous as their models in their advertisement. And who does the public trust more than their stars they look up to and those who help and cure them when they’re sick? This applies the same to children. For example, Ms. Nguyen Phuong Hang, a billionaire who just go on YouTube and screaming at those who have opposing ideas from her has lots of fans from my class. And after a month or so, I see my friends’ behaviors, emotions and thinking have changed in a negative way. They started to fight each other more, use more impolite language and blaming each other more without pointing their responsibility to themselves first. Secondly, the impact from star so the children is their learning process interrupted. As stars have a good way to get people to keep an eye on them, children might think and care about he or she all the time and make children unfocused with doing homework and listen to what the teacher is saying. They might go to social media platforms to check newest new from their model, making them occupied from doing homework or project. Third is children, if are too-hard fans of someone, can worsen their bonds with their relatives and parents, as they keep spending time surf the internet to find hot, fresh new about those who they look up instead of having fun with friends, help mom to cook something or play puzzle with their dad. However, star models are also another tool to create good habits for children. Since children would listen and do anything from their stars without consideration, good people can do good things to be the good examples for the children to do, this can have a good impact on the society. In the end, I conclude that we should teach our children to be more mindful of what they hear and see, but it’s also the stars’ responsibility to be the good examples for the children.
Nowadays, thanks to the internet and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
communication, more youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to admire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
, though they don’t set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me elaborate.

On the one hand, the young
usually
don’t know anything. They haven’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their life,
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
parents and
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
curious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their curiosity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unaware of the facts and lies,
thus
, in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
absorb everything they hear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
with no consideration. This is
really
awful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as they listen to everything, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things. In fact, even adults could
be tricked
into thinking something is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for them and the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is actually not. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, the tobacco industry, Camel launched an advertising campaign back in the 1950s to increase their profit by using doctors and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
as their models in their advertisement. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does the public trust more than their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
they look up to and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and cure them when they’re sick? This applies the same to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Ms. Nguyen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Phuong
Hang, a billionaire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go on YouTube and screaming at those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have opposing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
from her has lots of fans from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. And after a month or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
my friends’ behaviors, emotions and thinking have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
way. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fight each other more,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more impolite language and blaming each other more without pointing their responsibility to themselves
first
.

Secondly
, the impact from star
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is their learning process interrupted. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and care about he or she all the time and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
unfocused with doing homework and listen to what the teacher is saying. They might go to social media platforms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
newest new from their model, making them occupied from doing homework or project.

Third is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, if are too-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
fans of someone, can worsen their bonds with their relatives and parents, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
spending time surf the internet to find hot, fresh new about those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they look up
instead
of having fun with friends,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mom to cook something or play puzzle with their dad.

However
, star models are
also
another tool to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
habits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would listen and do anything from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars
without consideration,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
things to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do, this can have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
impact on the society.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I conclude that we should teach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more mindful of what they hear and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stars’
responsibility to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Young people admire stars even though they don't set good examples. Discuss

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
461 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts