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many people are being used to sex,even though , they do secretly,they have hursh.to do it in many amusement parks.Do community give them chance to do it?

many people are being used to sex, even though, they do secretly, they have hursh. to do it in many amusement parks. Do community give them chance to do it? WgBWN
It is thought by the public is that individuals have been addicted to their electronic devices and the internet. I am of the same opinion and shed some light on it in my forthcoming paragraphs. In the era of digitalization, a good number of jobs are linked with phones and the usage of the internet, which are being most used by employees of many fields. As long, if it were not for these things, the productivity of companies would not have been so good, due to the fact that using smartphones and the internet prevent workers from a number of run and errands, which are usually brought about in numerous workplaces. By way of illustration, it is no longer needed to have delivered some hard copies person-by-person, because, these hard copies are converted into digital format by using some a special feature of the internet and, it could directly be accepted by the receiver. Consequently, in spite of the fact that people are used to using their smartphones and the internet, it has been leading to increased efficiency of companies. However, there are various websites and social media contexts, which have been catching the eyes of many individuals. These contexts usually upload entertainment activities, which are acceptable by a huge number of people by enthusiasm. Individuals are used to spending hours glued to the screens of their smartphones and surfing the web, which means they are already addicted to their phones and using the internet. For example, according to the latest research of BBC report is that not only the younger generation but also, elderly are being dependent on the internet and phones, just as wasting their time. As a result, it had been better if websites and social media set a limited amount of time to use phones and the internet of individuals. To conclude, it can be clearly seen that using the internet and smartphones are already occupied in many fields, ranging from daily activities to using these in workplaces.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by the public is that individuals have
been addicted
to their electronic devices and the internet. I am of the same opinion and shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on it in my forthcoming paragraphs.

In the era of digitalization, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
number of jobs
are linked
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the usage of the internet, which are being most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by employees of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields. As long, if it were not for these things, the productivity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would not have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, due to the fact that using smartphones and the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
workers from a number of run and errands, which are
usually
brought about in numerous workplaces. By way of illustration, it is no longer needed to have delivered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copies person-by-person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
copies
are converted
into digital format by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
a special feature of the internet and, it could
directly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the receiver.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to using their smartphones and the internet, it has been leading to increased efficiency of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

However
, there are various websites and social media contexts, which have been catching the eyes of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals. These contexts
usually
upload entertainment activities, which are acceptable by a huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by enthusiasm. Individuals are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spending hours glued to the screens of their smartphones and surfing the web, which means they are already addicted to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and using the internet.
For example
, according to the latest research of BBC report is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the younger generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, elderly are being dependent on the internet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as wasting their time.
As a result
, it had been better if websites and social media set a limited amount of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and the internet of individuals.

To conclude
, it can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that using the internet and smartphones are already occupied in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields, ranging from daily activities to using these in workplaces.
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IELTS essay many people are being used to sex, even though, they do secretly, they have hursh. to do it in many amusement parks. Do community give them chance to do it?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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