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Young generation is on bad track due to the influence of celebrity,do u agree or disagree

Young generation is on bad track due to the influence of celebrity, do u agree or disagree 0wjWn
In today's era, big personalities are very popular for their luxurious and fashionable lifestyle instead of their accomplishment which is ruining the youngsters. I completely agree with this notion. This essay will discuss how their appearence and lavish way of living is affecting the young people. To begin with, youngsters are forgetting their moral values and culture because they are obsessed over celebrities. They try to immitate the fashion trend followed by big stars. Whatever celebrities do and wear become the new fashion statement due to which youth is moving away from the culture followed in their country. Furthermore young generation is not socialize, respecting their elders and also taking drugs in their early age. This is all due to the influence of alluring lifestyle of star fames. For example most of the college students go to night parties, wear unethical clothes, take drugs which is all due to the impact of life-style of superstars. Apart from this, today's generation is in extravagant lifestyle due to influence of lavish way of living of well known persons which is troubling their parents because parents income is less than their demand. Furthermore grand lifestyle of children is diverting them from their aim for which parents are struggling hard. They want to earn money without working hard and running towards shortcuts for the success so that they can live a life like renowned persons. for example nowadays youngsters are wasting their time for blogging instead of studying to earn money and fame quickly which is dropping them out of studies. To conclude, youngsters are going towards to the wrong path by following the culture and lavish lifestyle of celebrities. Therefore I completely agree with the statement that youngsters are more influenced by glamour rather than their achievements.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
personalities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular for their luxurious and fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
instead
of their accomplishment which is ruining the youngsters. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion. This essay will discuss how their
Possible spelling mistake found.
appearence
and lavish way of living is affecting the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youngsters are forgetting their moral values and culture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are obsessed
over celebrities. They try to
Possible spelling mistake found.
immitate
the fashion trend followed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
stars. Whatever celebrities do and wear become the new fashion statement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to which youth is moving away from the culture followed in their country.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
young generation is not
Consider using a past participle here: "socialized".
socialize
, respecting their elders and
also
taking drugs in their early age. This is all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the influence of alluring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of star
Possible spelling mistake found.
fames
.
For example
most of the college students go to night parties, wear unethical clothes, take drugs which is all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the impact of life-style of superstars.

Apart from this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's generation is in extravagant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to influence of lavish way of living of well known persons which is troubling their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
parents income is less than their demand.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of children is diverting them from their aim for which parents are struggling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. They want to earn money without working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and running towards shortcuts for the success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a life like renowned persons.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example nowadays youngsters are wasting their time for blogging
instead
of studying to earn money and fame
quickly
which is dropping them out of studies.

To conclude
, youngsters are going towards to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path by following the culture and lavish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
of celebrities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that youngsters are more influenced by glamour
rather
than their achievements.

IELTS essay Young generation is on bad track due to the influence of celebrity, do u agree or disagree

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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