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Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30s. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend? v.1

Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30s. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend? v. 1
Nowadays, the cost of living is soaring to a great extent. As a result, a majority of young individuals are living with their parents into their 30s without much option. I believe there are more drawbacks than benefits to this trend. Both will be discussed in this essay. It is true that there are numerous advantages for both the children and parents living together. The main one is finances. Children can save more money and worry less about paying their rent when they live under one roof with their parents and not end up in a crippling debt. In Bangalore, for instance, renting a house require a huge amount of money, which cannot be affordable to everyone. Besides that, being a part of the joint family comes with the privilege of having family member’s support in everything. Children can take care of their parents when they are sick and could possibly help them with the household chores. This way, the bond between them strengthens and they would be having less worries about life. Clearly, living with parents would be beneficial in saving money and spending quality time with them. However, there are more limitations to this approach as the children will lack privacy and independence. This is because, parents expect to know the whereabouts of their children, which results in invading their privacy unknowingly. The offspring are expected to inform their parents where they are going could be considered as an illustration. Moreover, there is a possibility that children would feel restricted when they live with their parents. Because, in few families, the children are not allowed to wear certain clothes when they stay with their elders. This halts their freedom and causes disturbances in the family. In short, children will not have their freedom and privacy when they live with their parents. In conclusion, although living with the parents, children can have savings and take care of them, they will not have any privacy or freedom.
Nowadays, the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is soaring to a great extent.
As a result
, a majority of young individuals are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
into their 30s without much option. I believe there are more drawbacks than benefits to this trend. Both will
be discussed
in this essay.

It is true that there are numerous advantages for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
together. The main one is finances.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can save more money and worry less about paying their rent when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under one roof with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in a crippling debt. In Bangalore,
for instance
, renting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
require a huge amount of money, which cannot be affordable to everyone.
Besides
that, being a part of the joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with the privilege of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member’s support in everything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
can take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they are sick and could
possibly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with the household chores. This way, the bond between them
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
strengthens and
they would be having
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun worries is countable.
less
worries about life.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would be beneficial in saving money and spending quality time with them.

However
, there are more limitations to this approach as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will lack privacy and independence. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to know the whereabouts of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which results in invading their privacy
unknowingly
. The offspring are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to inform their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
where they are going could
be considered
as an illustration.
Moreover
, there is a possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would feel restricted when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, in few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to wear certain clothes when they stay with their elders. This halts their freedom and causes disturbances in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not have their freedom and privacy when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their parents.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can have savings and take care of them, they will not have any privacy or freedom.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Because of the rising cost of housing, many young people are increasingly being forced to live with their parents into their 30s. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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