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You recently joined a sports club and are having some problems Write to the manager and include Why you joined the club The problems you are having Some possible solutions v.1

You recently joined a sports club and are having some problems Write to the manager and include Why you joined the club The problems you are having Some possible solutions v. 1
In the modern world, there is a tendency among individuals to move abroad or change their dwelling place in the country after retirement. There is no denying that migration can lead to the negative outcomes. However, it can be beneficial for the citizens. It is widely accepted that retired people have a plethora of leisure time at their hands. Accordingly, the majority of them are willing to explore new places. It is true that due to their occupation, they had not had a free time to travel. A good illustration of this is administrative workers. They often have not such opportunity, during their work. Furthermore, many retired people are keen to move overseas because of their poor health condition. It is widely known that living in urban areas can lead to the deterioration of their health. In this reason, they are keen to move abroad. For instance, city’s hustles and bustles can exhaust the city dwellers. On the other hand, moving to other places can be physically difficult for elderly people. In this regard, finding a suitable place for living can be challenging. To illustrate, it can be an arduous task for them to adjust to the local weather conditions. Consequently, their health can be deteriorated, because of changing weather patterns. Moreover, at the beginning, individuals are supposed to work in order to live in the new area. However, due to lack of experience with the local community, adapting to the local job market can be challenging for them. For example, foreign people often have not knowledge of local history and traditions. Consequently, they can meet many obstacles relating to these things. To conclude, although moving overseas can be a viable option for elderly people, it can lead to negative outcomes, such as deterioration of well-being and adapting to the local job market.
In the modern world, there is a tendency among individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their dwelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in the country after retirement. There is no denying that migration can lead to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes.
However
, it can be beneficial for the citizens.

It is
widely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a plethora of leisure time at their hands.
Accordingly
, the majority of them are willing to explore new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. It is true that due to their occupation, they had not had a free time to travel. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is administrative workers. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have not such opportunity, during their work.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
overseas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their poor health condition. It is
widely
known that living in urban areas can lead to the deterioration of their health. In this reason, they are keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad.
For instance
, city’s hustles and bustles can exhaust the city dwellers.

On the other hand
, moving to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
can be
physically
difficult for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this regard, finding a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for living can be challenging. To illustrate, it can be an arduous task for them to adjust to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
weather conditions.
Consequently
, their health can
be deteriorated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of changing weather patterns.
Moreover
, at the beginning, individuals
are supposed
to work in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the new area.
However
, due to lack of experience with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community, adapting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
job market can be challenging for them.
For example
, foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have not knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
history and traditions.
Consequently
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles relating to these things.

To conclude
, although moving overseas can be a viable option for elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes, such as deterioration of well-being and adapting to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
job market.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay You recently joined a sports club and are having some problems Write to the manager and include Why you joined the club The problems you are having Some possible solutions v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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