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You have recently changed your job and started working for a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter: Explain why you changed your previous jobDescribe your new jobTell him/her your other news. v.1

You have recently changed your job and started working for a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter: Explain why you changed your previous jobDescribe your new jobTell him/her your other news. v. 1
Nowadays, people become more tired and less motivated when they have to work. Most people are fortunate because they have gotten a chance to work on what they like, but some people are not. The reason may relate to the salary because people give their priority to different factors when they apply for a job. In this essay, I will give my opinion towards this statement. First of all, I partially agree that when choosing a job, the salary is the most important consideration. This is because the purpose of working is to earn an income and be able to survive by yourself without relying on someone else. Every single part of our lives need money, so without money people cannot survive. For example, since you were born, your parents have to pay for hospitals, equipments to take care of you, and school fees. It is impossible to mention that it is fine to live without money. People need to have it, but some people use less and some people use more depending on their lifestyle, so salary can be the most important thing to some people, but it can also be nothing for some people when they talk about a job. On the other hand, there are many people who give priorities to their dreams and passions rather than income that they would get when they work. People who stay with what they love will feel motivated and joyful. They will not suffer from what they do not like to do. Moreover, people have to consider several things not only salary that they would receive, but they also have to be able to fit in with society, environment and people who will work with you. Nevertheless, you have to be able to grow in the company, otherwise you might feel down afterward. Eventually, salary is a part of our consideration, there are many factors that contribute to people's decisions, so it is significant to look around and observe everything rather than only the salary. Because people have different preferences and purposes in their lives, it is better not to judge people who think that the salary is the most important thing when it comes to job, while other people might think that it is better to consider other parts. To conclude, I partially agree that income is the most important thing because when you are working, you would expect something in return. However, people have different perspectives and backgrounds, so it would be nice to discuss about this statement, but it is better if they do not judge other people's opinions about this.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more tired and less motivated when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have gotten a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on what they like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not. The reason may relate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give their priority to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors when they apply for a job. In this essay, I will give my opinion towards this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that when choosing a job, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
consideration. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the purpose of working is to earn an income and be able to survive by yourself without relying on someone else. Every single part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
need money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
without money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot survive.
For example
, since you
were born
, your parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay for hospitals, equipments to take care of you, and school fees. It is impossible to mention that it is fine to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without money.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to have it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
less and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more depending on their lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
can be the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
also
be nothing for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when they talk about a job.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
give priorities to their dreams and passions
rather
than income that they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay with what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
will feel motivated and joyful. They will not suffer from what they do not like to do.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider several things not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
that they would receive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be able to fit in with society, environment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with you.
Nevertheless
, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be able to grow in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
otherwise
you might feel down afterward.

Eventually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is a part of our consideration, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors that contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's decisions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is significant to look around and observe everything
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
preferences and purposes in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it is better not to judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to job, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is better to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
parts.

To conclude
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that income is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
thing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when you are working, you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
something in return.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives and backgrounds,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it would be nice to
Did you mean simply "discuss this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about this
statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is better if they do not judge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's opinions about this.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You have recently changed your job and started working for a new company. Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In your letter: Explain why you changed your previous jobDescribe your new jobTell him/her your other news. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
434 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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