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You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. v.3

You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. v. 3
It is a fact that almost all countries, including the United States of America, have different population groups from other countries. In this essay, I will be discussing on how I strongly agree to why having expats from various countries with different cultural backgrounds can help a certain country grow vastly. Many people these days immigrate to foreign countries. This is due to gaining more income, having a better life, or just fulfilling the dream to live in a place with great tourist attractions and views. United States of America's population are comprised of various nationalities from all continents such as Filipinos, Indians, Koreans, Chinese, English, and many more. All of these nationalities come from unique countries along with their cultural backgrounds, thus, they practice those even if they are in an alien country. Moreover, these cultural traditions also affect a person's personality, behavior, and attitude especially at work. For example, Filipinos value respect and punctuality. When working in a foreign country, they tend to come early for work and they always respectful to their boss and colleagues, which promotes peace and unity among co-workers. Aside from work, the different cultural traditions are also being experienced by the original citizens of a country as shared with the foreign ones. Let's take the country Saudi Arabia as an example. Before, they don't allow parties and loud music, but through the influence from other nationalities, they are slowly embracing it now. To summarize, having different nationalities with various unique cultural beliefs or traditions will help a certain country to be more developed not only economically, but also it opens the mind of the people on embracing such beautiful and new traditions which they can enjoy or adapt. Through this acceptance, the people will prosper and the country will grow.
It is a fact that almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, including the United States of America, have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
population groups from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In this essay, I will be discussing on how I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to why having expats from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
backgrounds can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
grow
vastly
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
these days immigrate to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This is due to gaining more income, having a better life, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fulfilling the dream to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a place with great tourist attractions and views. United States of America's population
are comprised
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
from all continents such as Filipinos, Indians, Koreans, Chinese, English, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. All of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
backgrounds,
thus
, they practice those even if they are in an alien country.

Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
also
affect a person's personality, behavior, and attitude
especially
at work.
For example
, Filipinos value respect and punctuality. When working in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
early for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they always respectful to their boss and colleagues, which promotes peace and unity among co-workers. Aside from work, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
are
also
being experienced
by the original citizens of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as shared with the foreign ones.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's take the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
Saudi Arabia as an example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
, they don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
parties and loud music,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through the influence from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
, they are
slowly
embracing it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To summarize
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nationalities
with various unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
beliefs or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to be more developed not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
economically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it opens the mind of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on embracing such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
which they can enjoy or adapt. Through this acceptance, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will prosper and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will grow.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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