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1) Government should spend money on railways rather than roads: v.1

1) Government should spend money on railways rather than roads: v. 1
Nowadays, transportation becomes a controversial main issue as a fast and a safe transport organization sustains the development of a country. The government should spend more money on a railway organization as it would be better to develop this track than roads. On the one hand, the advances in rail transportation have driven many factors to developed countries and have certainly contributed to reducing traffic on roads. For, instance, Kereta Rel Listrik and the others product of Kereta Api Indonesia carry hundreds of people and tonnes of goods while road transports carry only a few people or less amounts of product related to market demand at a time. Besides this, some shuttle train is many times faster than private cars and public buses, for similar case Jakarta still on going for developing a new structure and it’s called Mass Rapid Train and actually this is not included in this category. These improved railways save people’s valuable time every day. On the other hand, in some parts of the transportation based on railways and roads. There is a place a condition roads that still has not a good maintain, also is not built yet. The reason why the government should pay attention to this. For example, these are so many crossroads in some place like the east of Indonesia, still fall behind because of the crossroads has not a road. It follows that they are could connect to the other people. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I totally agree that governments should build more railroads than roads. Furthermore, these are several positive points of developing railroads as it promotes the use of the public transport system.
Nowadays, transportation becomes a controversial main issue as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and a safe transport organization sustains the development of a country. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should spend more money on a railway organization as it would be better to develop this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
than roads.

On the one hand, the advances in rail transportation have driven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
and have
certainly
contributed to reducing traffic on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. For, instance,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kereta
Rel
Possible spelling mistake found.
Listrik
and the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
product of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kereta
Possible spelling mistake found.
Api
Indonesia carry hundreds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and tonnes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transports carry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun amounts is countable.
less
amounts of product related to market demand at a time.
Besides
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "shuttles"?
shuttle
train is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times faster than private cars and public buses, for similar case Jakarta
still
on going for developing a new structure and it’s called Mass Rapid Train and actually this is not included in this category. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
railways save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s valuable time every day.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parts of the transportation based on railways and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. There is a place a condition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
that
still
has not a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
maintain,
also
is not built
yet
. The reason why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should pay attention to this.
For example
, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
crossroads in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "places"?
place
like the east of Indonesia,
still
fall behind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the crossroads has not a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. It follows that they are could connect to the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, to a certain extent, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should build more railroads than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
Furthermore
, these are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points of developing railroads as it promotes the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the public transport system.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1) Government should spend money on railways rather than roads: v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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